My 6.5 year old daughter HB and I have had more than a handful of talks about what it means to be gay. The first talk was when she was 3 years old, she told me that a kid in her Preschool had two Mommies and no Daddy.
My initial thought was, really? Already? I already have to answer the tough questions, she’s only 3!
Now that I look back on it, I’m not sure why I thought it was such a hard question. The way I feel about homosexuality and same sex parents is pretty straight forward.
If a person is gay, cool. If a person is straight, cool. If a couple wants to provide a loving home for a child, awesome.
What was I scared of? That if I didn’t explain same sex parents or gay people properly that she would misunderstand and become a lesbian? If I condoned her falling in love with a woman, then would I be discouraging her to be in love with a man?
This morning, HB asked me, “Do you think I’m gay?”
My initial thought was, of course you aren’t gay, you have been boy crazy since you were 18 months old!
But, I stopped myself, I didn’t say that. I wanted her to know that if she was gay, or an artist or an atheist, or a lion tamer or an astronaut, that was for her to discover on her own.
So I just said, “Do you think your gay?”
Her reply, “Nope, I like boys, but I wanted to know what you thought.”
And I said, “It’s cool either way, just be yourself. I love you.”
There we had it. She just wanted to know what her Mommy thought in case she was gay.
Now she knows. She can be whomever she decides to be and Mommy will love her.
As parents we walk a fine line between wanting to teach our children what we believe to be right and moral and allowing them to be true to themselves. It’s extremely difficult to not just tell them how to live and what to do to have a happy life. After all, we have lived and learned much longer then they have. The problem with imposing our recipe for happiness and contentment on our children is that every single human being is unique. My own shiny yellow brick road to enlightenment might look like a steep dirt path to nowhere for my children.
They will find their own paths, their own passions, their own moral code, their own equation for a happy life.
All I can do is be true to my self and let them see that they can live the same way. No matter what these 3 little people turn out to be like, I want them to know that they can live a genuine life and that their Mommy supports whatever that life may look like. Gay, straight, single, married, lion tamer, doctor, psychic hotline operator, pierced, vegan, or a nudist.
Unless, of course, any of them decides to get a pet Tarantula. Because Mommy will never be supportive of that.
As always, I love to see all your comments on my blog. Unless you are a child, then do not comment, ever.