Whole Foods: Where Good Moods Go To Die.

14 Jun

Why is everyone at Whole Foods Market so pissed off? Every single time I shop at our local Whole Foods I am shocked at how miserable my fellow patrons are. Most of the women who shop there are ultra thin model types, it’s completely possible that they could just be hungry and moody. The Men, I have no clue what they are so uptight about. Maybe the guys are upset because they want to buy the super skinny women Lunch but they know they won’t eat anything.

Seriously. What are they so upset about?

These people have a lot going for them, they should be dancing down the aisles!
First of all, they can afford to shop at one of the most expensive supermarkets in town. Every time I walk out with only two bags of groceries after spending $200 I swear to myself that I’m never coming back. I have never seen a person use a coupon there, or check prices for longer than a second. Secondly, all these shoppers are presumably eating healthy and organic right? So, why so glum? You should be glowing and smiley, not walking around like you have a stick up your ass. For the most part, these shoppers are wealthy, healthy and just plain mean. Maybe there is something in the Quinoa Cakes that makes them miserable…

Also, it should be a requirement to smile at a person with a child sitting in their shopping cart. Taking a child of any age to the supermarket is a nightmare. Taking a child to a market where the people are snotty and rude is a Nightmare on Elm Street kind of nightmare. Smiling is non-toxic, non-caloric and won’t destroy the environment, so just try doing it.
I’m going to write a letter to the owners of Whole Foods Markets letting them know about what’s happening in their aisles.
They should have a sign at the front door that reads :

IF YOU STILL HAVE YOUR COLONIC INSERTED UP YOUR ORGANIC BEHIND, PLEASE KINDLY REMOVE IT AND SMILE AT THE OTHER CUSTOMERS. THANK YOU FOR SHOPPING WITH US. HAVE A GROOVY DAY.

xoxo

Have you had the same experience at Whole Foods or is it just me???

 

6 Responses to “Whole Foods: Where Good Moods Go To Die.”

  1. Sahar June 14, 2012 at 7:27 am #

    This has to be your funniest post yet… Soooo true I felt like you wrote this through my eyes! Every line I read I laughed even harder. I had someone almost yell at me the other day next to the yogurt bc I didn’t move out of her way fast enough then even got the look of death and a gggrrrr from her as she got by .

  2. Jennifer June 14, 2012 at 7:38 am #

    Try shopping at the West Hollywood Pavillions- the happiest grocery store in town.

  3. J LO June 14, 2012 at 7:44 am #

    Oh, it’s not just you…. My sentiments exactly! I feel used and abused by the time I get to the registers with my little angels. They should also have a sign that states BEWARE: Skinny model types may bite if you block the soup and salad bar aisle…….

  4. Alex T. June 14, 2012 at 10:25 am #

    For some reason, I always bump into all the bubbes that love my girls and will chat it up for several minutes. For the most part, I try not to pay attention to the skinny girl types unless they compliment my girls. It’s going to be interesting to see what’s going to happen when I’m lugging my girls plus an infant. Maybe this will draw the line.

    BTW, we should have a mommy and me shopping trip. There is power in numbers.

  5. Jolie June 14, 2012 at 8:20 pm #

    Try eating the cheese samples. Cheese always lifts my mood. And there’s always plenty available because skinny people don’t eat cheese. Or so I’m told.

  6. eyesofblueblonde@aol.com June 14, 2012 at 9:32 pm #

    I was at the Whole Foods in Venice yesterday and was thinking the same thing. People tend to smile at my son (he’s a very smiley and happy baby) everywhere else BUT at Whole Foods! The girls walk around in their yoga outfits but, they certainly don’t have Zen attitudes. Something definitely was slipped into their Kombucha drinks.

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