Archive | October, 2012

Slightly Dirty and Oh So Pretty

28 Oct

The locals seem to pay a hell of a lot of money to look beautifully disheveled. Most of the women are in tank tops, sweats and Uggs or flip flops. The catch is, the sweats are $300 from Kitson Malibu, the Uggs are only but one pair of 15 winter booties, and the tank top is actually a $150 Theyskens Theory camisole. The look for the hair is a similar one, messy, windswept, sun- kissed, slightly dirty and oh so pretty all at once. These ladies spend mucho moolah to look as if they just rolled out of bed all glowy and gorgeous.
Malibu is a super wealthy beach town, but it’s different than the beach town where I grew up. It seems like there is a big divide between the people who actually surf and have bonfires and live the beach life and those who like to look at the beach from their balconies without getting sand in between their toes. I can feel the difference between the two worlds when I visit there.

It’s different out here in Beverly Hills. BH women like to look done. They spend a lot of money on their clothes, hair and faces and they want it to seem that way. We don’t usually do the frumpy beach look and if we do get caught looking ferklempt, we make sure to mention to everyone how frumpy we look and all the excuses why. The big divide in BH is between the locals and the tourists, that’s pretty much it. You can tell the difference between them quite easily. The locals don’t have cameras around their necks and we don’t take pictures of our own street signs.

Wealthy Southern California towns divided. As a serious storm rips through the east coast, these are the things I’m writing about. I never claimed to be a journalist. I’m a blogger ;)



Celebrity Shelebrity

25 Oct

When you live around here it’s considered a major no-no to make a big deal about a celebrity sighting. There are major celebrities in my kid’s schools, on my kid’s soccer teams, and in their ballet/art/ karate classes.

If I ran over every time I spotted a star I would be an embarrassment to my kids and to myself. I will admit that there have been a few times where I thought I knew a Mom from baby class and I said Hi and then later realized she’s a regular on CSI or Law and Order, and I didn’t actually know her at all.
There are some people that I reserve the right to completely humiliate myself
and approach if I see them.

1. Madonna – Hello?! It’s Madonna! Gaga can wear meat dresses and Britney can dance with snakes. But there is only one Queen.
2. Mark Ruffalo – because we have a special connection. He doesn’t know it, but we do.
3. Catherine Zeta Jones – I don’t really need to talk to her. I just want to see her up close, I think she is stunning.
4. Zooey Deschanel – She has similar hair texture and style to mine. I want to know how she keeps her bangs from frizzing up or getting oily.
5. The Super Nanny (Jo) – because I need her to be a part of my life. She knows things I will never know. She is a child whisperer and as far as I’m concerned a legend in her own time.
6. Did I mention Mark Ruffalo?


Who do you go gaga for? Comments and questions always welcome :)

My Kids Are Gifted In A Real Special Way

23 Oct

My children are geniuses. Not in the typical sense of the word. They are perfectly bright and all that, but their real talent lies in knowing how to push me over the edge.

They have a sixth sense of sorts. A rare gift that allows them to know just when I’m teetering on the edge and gives them the superpower they need to launch me off the cliff. I like to think that I usually keep my cool in front of the children. I’ve been told by several of my Mommy friends that they are shocked at how I rarely yell. If you hear me yelling it means that some kind of serious trouble went down. The last time I lost control was when I told my 6 year old that I had a headache and was exhausted, so could she please give me a few minutes to lie down. Just as I began to decompress and feel my muscles relax, she jumped up from under the bed and scared the shit out of me. Hilarity did not ensue. Yelling did. (side note: I have had an irrational fear my entire life that someone is hiding under my bed.) Kids Rock.

You know how you have that friend that always knows just what to say in your time of need? Yah, well my kids are the antithesis of that person. Feeling fat? My kid will ask you if you have a baby in your tummy. Feeling old? My kid will ask if you have grandchildren even though your 35. Feeling like you you can’t take one more sleepless night? Guess who is suddenly terrified of the shadows in their room? Yup, my kid.

The good news is if Warthogs opens up a new school for children with a special ability to sense when a parent has reached their absolute limit, mine will get in on a full scholarship.




Do Not Call Me A Mommy Blogger.

21 Oct

I had the chance to get out of town last weekend. All by myself. Yes, really.

There was a Conference for Women Blogger’s called Bloggy Boot Camp happening in Las Vegas. It’s put on by these fantastical women known as the SITS girls in different locations all over the country. I was invited to by my friend Alexandra of and pretty much everything she does is fabulous, so I said yes before even asking the husband. Oops. As it turned out he was totally supportive and sent me on my way. Even though he knew that the car is a scary place to be when I am unleashed on the open road. I have a tendency to listen to extremely
loud music and drive, well, let’s just say, I like to go fast.
All I really needed to hear was Vegas-Alone-Information about writing-Vegas-Alone, and I was so there!
It was a whirlwind of a weekend. I learned more in one day about the business of blogging than I have in the entire 8 months or so that I have been actually blogging. Throw in the dancing on the roof top of the Palms Hotel until 3am and it was a phenomenal trip. Ideal actually, I got to meet savvy and inspiring women who I learned oodles of information from. Then, I got to get stiletto’ed up, down cocktails and dance the night away. If I could find a way to fit my kids and husband into that equation, it seems like the perfect balance.

What I learned in Vegas last weekend: (besides the fact that in Vegas it’s never too early to smoke a cigarette or drink alcoholic concoctions by the yard)

1. Quite a few people who are not from Southern California think that I am joking when I say that I am from Beverly Hills and write a blog called I was asked more than once at the conference if I was REALLY REALLY from Beverly Hills. The second question I was usually asked was, do you know any celebrities.

2. Blogging is a serious Business and these Women mean business. I started blogging as a creative outlet. Well, that and because my Facebook posts were just getting way too long. Some of these ladies purely blog to make moolah and make it they do! I met women who became the sole providers for their family and then some. Their blogs have multiple editors, assistants, sponsors, campaigns, you name it, these blogs had it.

3. “The company you keep will determine the trouble you meet.”
Laurie Turk of
I’m thinking about tattooing these words of wisdom to my children’s foreheads. It applies in the business world and lord knows it travels in the social world.

4. “The loudest voice is just loud, not right.” also said by speaker Laurie Turk. I get opinion after opinion of unsolicited gems about my blog. Some folks are adamant about what I should or shouldn’t be writing. I am usually good at blocking the voices out. Occasionally someone gets to me and I ask myself, what am I doing? But what Laurie said rang so true to me. Noise is just noise, and everyone is entitled to an opinion. If you don’t like my blog then don’t read it. If you can do it better, do it.

5. I have been underestimating the power of Twitter.

6. Fake it till you make it – applies to the business of blogging just as much as it does to being a Mom. When I left the hospital with my first newborn baby I felt like an imposter pretending to be a real Mom. But I went through the motions until it felt real and eventually, I was a real live Mommy.

7. Profanity has consequences. I swear quite a lot in my daily conversations. I actually don’t find profanity that offensive. Apparently, the rest of the world does. So I need do be careful when and if I use it in my blog.

8. The last and probably most important thing I learned was that just because I am a woman and a Mother it does not mean that I work for free. I have value and if I am bringing money to you and your business than honey, it’s gonna cost you some money.



Comments always welcome, even LOUD ones….

I’ve Made It This Far Without A Safety Vest…

9 Oct

I got yelled at by a crossing guard at my daughter’s school yesterday. I didn’t even have the kids with me, which is probably why I was so surprised. I have always assumed that the main job of a school crossing guard was to get the students across the street safely. I figured if they decided to cross me without the kids they were just being extra nice. Well, noooooo not this guy. Mr. Serious Safety Crossing Guard Guy means business, even for the Mommies. I parked across the street from the school like I always do. As I approached the corner, safety guy clearly saw me coming and didn’t make eye contact, so I assumed I was on my own. I looked both ways, and stepped into the crosswalk, apparently that was a major no-no.
Next thing I know, the guy in the vest is jogging towards me waving his STOP sign screaming, “Mam, stop! You have to wait on the corner until I say to proceed!”
I froze. It’s not everyday that I get scolded for doing something wrong when I don’t have any of my children with me.
It was like I was in third grade again. If he had sent me to the Principal’s office it probably would have taken me a minute to compute that I didn’t have to actually go.
I was a horrible student. Rebellious, defiant, and out of control. I still have that side to me, it doesn’t come out too often. It definitely doesn’t appear in a school environment. It’s actually hard for me to believe that I was that type of student. When Mr. crossing guard scolded me, I felt awful. It wasn’t until later that it occurred to me to not give a shit. My initial reaction was a definite goody toe shoes one.
I might be even more ready than I thought to go back to school.
I’m a whole new student! I’m intimidated by authority figures in a school setting and wanting to follow rules, next thing you know I will be turning in homework early.



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