A Pen Is A Pen Except When It’s Not.

2 Oct

Yesterday I stopped by my parents house to check on my Dad who is recovering from minor back surgery. My parents live about 3 blocks away from me, I see them every few days at least for a minute or two. Of course I found my Dad was already back to his usual workaholic self sitting at his desk staring at his 3 ginormous side by side computer monitors with an Italian Opera blasting in the background.

He immediately lights up when I walk into the room, as he usually does, which is a really nice quality to have in a Dad. He then hands me what looks like a large pen and says, “I bet you think that’s a pen don’t you?” if there is one thing I have learned from growing up with a father like mine it’s that whenever he gets that weird tone in his voice, it’s best to just back up a few feet. Over the years I have had gadgets explode in my face, bugs crawl out of nowhere, and had the living daylights scared out of me by this man. Even though he is highly educated and articulate I think he relishes in his crazy inventor status more than anything else.

So when he hands me the pen, that is obviously not a pen, I hand it back and took 4 steps back. He then began to explain to me that I really shouldn’t be walking the streets unarmed and defenseless. I can already see where this is going. “Dad, listen. If anything comes shooting out of that pen I am going to be really pissed off.” I tell him. He is now laughing hysterically, laughing so hard that I’m nervous he’s going to fall off his chair and re-injure his back.

At this point my brothers come in to see what all the hoopla is about. Things can only go downhill from here. They both know of my extreme fear of the dark. They love taunting me about T-A-R-A-N-T-U-L-A-S, and I am the only one out of the family that hasn’t been to the shooting range. I have a major fear of a hot shell casing hitting me in the face, which I don’t think is totally unreasonable.

The boys begin handing the non-pen pen back and forth, I’m now crouching down hiding behind the door. They are all laughing hysterically and a few things are becoming clear to me.

1. I really like having a Dad who’s slightly eccentric.
2. Not everyone has a Dad who can say he is a Dreamer, a Doer, a Believer and can make something out of nothing.
3. I love having brothers. Even when they mess with me, it makes me feel loved.
4. I hate weapons. Even weapons that are disguised as pens.
5. I hope the people I love see how I light up when they walk into a room.
6. It is never ok to use a Flowbee to cut all your 5 kids hair, even if you do have respect and admiration for the inventor.



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