Archive | December, 2012

Sushi, Sake and Storks

9 Dec

On Friday night I went out to dinner to celebrate my sister’s birthday. My husband and I sat across the table from one of my sister’s good friends B.K. and her long term boyfriend. The topic somehow turned to having children and whether they should or should not have kids.
Before I could even censor it, which should not be shocking to those close to me, I blurted out, “Don’t do it!”
Everybody at the table was silent for a second and then slowly one by one started to laugh. It took them that second to figure that a Stay at home Mother of Three would never tell another woman to not have children and be serious about it. Oh, you see, but the thing is, I was dead serious.
Here’s where my mind went: If your out on a Saturday night with your boyfriend and you are under the age of thirty five wondering if you really want kids or not, then you are not ready. When I got pregnant with my first daughter I was 28 and my only goal in life was to be a Mother. Let me tell you looking back now it probably would have been a good idea to wait a little longer.
I told the girl across the table all the things I would have told myself if I could go back in time. Arriving home from my honeymoon and immediately trying to conceive and successfully almost right away.

Here’s what I said: Travel. Go everywhere you’ve ever wanted to go before you have a baby. Work. Earn your own money and have some of your own money put away. Enjoy each other. Have fun as a couple with other couples before you become a family. Finally, if you feel content and complete with the way your life is now then don’t go and have a baby. You will know when you want one.

Even if I had been able to advise my younger self I probably wouldn’t have listened anyways. I like to find things out the hard way, I always have. I do believe that everything, absolutely everything happens for a reason. If I wouldn’t have started my family so quickly then I wouldn’t have had the three perfectly amazing children I had before my 33rd birthday.

There never is a perfect time to have a child. No matter what, it will be different and much harder than what you expected it to be like. But if you are traveling, partying, and having a great time with your boyfriend…..wait a few years to have your own. You can always come and babysit mine.

xoxo

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