Sushi, Sake and Storks

9 Dec

On Friday night I went out to dinner to celebrate my sister’s birthday. My husband and I sat across the table from one of my sister’s good friends B.K. and her long term boyfriend. The topic somehow turned to having children and whether they should or should not have kids.
Before I could even censor it, which should not be shocking to those close to me, I blurted out, “Don’t do it!”
Everybody at the table was silent for a second and then slowly one by one started to laugh. It took them that second to figure that a Stay at home Mother of Three would never tell another woman to not have children and be serious about it. Oh, you see, but the thing is, I was dead serious.
Here’s where my mind went: If your out on a Saturday night with your boyfriend and you are under the age of thirty five wondering if you really want kids or not, then you are not ready. When I got pregnant with my first daughter I was 28 and my only goal in life was to be a Mother. Let me tell you looking back now it probably would have been a good idea to wait a little longer.
I told the girl across the table all the things I would have told myself if I could go back in time. Arriving home from my honeymoon and immediately trying to conceive and successfully almost right away.

Here’s what I said: Travel. Go everywhere you’ve ever wanted to go before you have a baby. Work. Earn your own money and have some of your own money put away. Enjoy each other. Have fun as a couple with other couples before you become a family. Finally, if you feel content and complete with the way your life is now then don’t go and have a baby. You will know when you want one.

Even if I had been able to advise my younger self I probably wouldn’t have listened anyways. I like to find things out the hard way, I always have. I do believe that everything, absolutely everything happens for a reason. If I wouldn’t have started my family so quickly then I wouldn’t have had the three perfectly amazing children I had before my 33rd birthday.

There never is a perfect time to have a child. No matter what, it will be different and much harder than what you expected it to be like. But if you are traveling, partying, and having a great time with your boyfriend…..wait a few years to have your own. You can always come and babysit mine.

xoxo

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2 Responses to “Sushi, Sake and Storks”

  1. Marni December 10, 2012 at 9:01 am #

    I got pregnant right after my wedding and it was the best thing. Yes I can’t go out at nights or see a movie with my husband these days. But My two amazing children, 13 months apart for each other in age, are amazing. My life feels so complete with them. I consider myself to have the perfect family. I would not change a thing. And besides I can always travel and go out as a family once they are little bigger.

  2. Daphne December 12, 2012 at 7:01 pm #

    Les….I love reading your blog because your honest. There are so few honest people out there and especially ones that are willing to write there deepest thoughts in a public venue. In my opinion it shows what a strong woman (and that does not contradict sensitivity) you are. You write what SO many people think and internalize yet refuse to express for a plethora of reasons. I, like you am not afraid to speak my mind so it makes reading your blog that much more refreshing. On the topic of having babies…..as someone who did all that you write about except that my first was born before my 20th birthday, I say to your followers….DONT LEARN THE HARD WAY. Having kids is amazingLY hard work and when the time is right it will happen. ENjoy life until then. :-)

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