Wiping Asses For 7 years – I Should Be Getting The Gifts and Goody Bags.

10 Aug

Today is HB’s 7th Birthday. The anniversary of the day that I became a Mother. For those of you who know me personally, or those who have been reading my blog faithfully, you already know how I feel about that day and the year that followed.

I imagined a sleeping angel in a pristine nursery. I got a screaming firecracker with severe acid reflux, and a room constantly covered in vomit.

I envisioned long walks pushing my shiny stroller and slumbering newborn. What I got was a baby that wailed when she got within 10 feet of a stroller. The screaming only stopped if she was on my chest and I was standing up and rapidly pacing like someone with a serious nervous disorder.

I knew there would be long nights and many feedings. I didn’t know that I would have a human attached to my breast for approximately 20 hours a day for months on end. I was a human pacifier. Literally.

The sleep deprivation wasn’t the same as I had remembered from finals week in College. This was different. I was alone, in the dark with a tiny human who’s life depended on me.
The hallucinations from the lack of sleep weren’t nearly as fun as the ones I remember from the acid I dropped at the OC fair 20 years prior.

I am elated and overjoyed to say that the vomiting, screaming and boob addiction subsided long ago. HB is an outgoing, healthy and absolutely hilarious girl.

If someone had told me what Motherhood was really going to look like, I wouldn’t have believed them. If someone had told me that HB would turn out to be a bright independent 7 year old, I would have laughed. If someone had told me that I would go on to have two more children, twins, nonetheless, I would have thought that person was nuts or highly intoxicated.

August 10, 2013 – I’ve been a Mother for 7 years. I have 3 children. It has been light years from what I expected.

What’s the take away from all this for me?

Stop expecting, stop preparing, stop predicting.
Sit back and enjoy the ride, because it’s not going to be anything like what I expected anyways. This ride is going to be incredibly scarier and insurmountably sweeter than I ever could have imagined.

xoxo

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One Response to “Wiping Asses For 7 years – I Should Be Getting The Gifts and Goody Bags.”

  1. Adrian Gluck August 10, 2013 at 10:55 pm #

    Leslie, Great, great piece, sweetheart! Your writing is amazingly engaging, descriptive and, most of all, funny as hell! Keep it up, you have “the stuff” J Love you, Dad

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