Using A Taser Gun On A Child Is Never The Answer – Right?

19 Aug

My friend JLO (not that JLO) and I have decided that it’s time to gain control of our children. My kids aren’t exactly starting fires and torturing neighborhood pets. In fact, my kids all got rave reviews from their teachers at the last parent/teacher conferences. The behavior that is problematic and unacceptable happens outside of school, almost exclusively with me. They are maniacs, yet only when they choose to be.

What does that tell me?

1. It tells me that there isn’t anything majorly wrong with my kids. If they can hold their insane behavior inside them the entire time they are in school, then they are not totally insane.

2. It tells me that I am doing something wrong.

3. It tells me that my kids know that I love them unconditionally. Why else would they think they can act like agitated drunk monkeys, and still ask for me to sing and rock them to sleep?

4. It tells me that if I want their behavior to change, I am going to have to change.

Awesome. Now that we’ve established that I am a loving Mom and a crappy disciplinarian, what to do about it?

I started where every Mother would think to start, Supernanny. If Jo Frost can’t come to me, then I am going to channel that British miracle worker through my finger tips. I memorized every article on that website and watched every clip available.

Then, I armed myself with literature. If a book on parenting a 3-7 year old exists, I’ve read it. I Googled every article about non-sleeping, hitting, tantrum throwing three year old’s ever written.
Turns out, I was going to need charts, stickers, a reward box and possibly a naughty step.

JLO and I then had a meeting at my house to go over all the information we had gathered between the two of us. Two grown women both with college degrees and here we were fiercely debating: should five random stars equal a reward or does it have to be five consistent stars or should it be a star for each task five days in a row?

Two glasses of wine and many grapes later, we had not made much progress. We had established that we do not ever want to spank our kids. We figured out that we are not consistent enough with our rules and consequences. We promised each other that we will have another meeting and figure out how the hell to tame these kids. In the end, we never really did establish how to work the star chart.

I love these kids. I take my job as their Mother seriously.

Even if it kills me, I am not going to let the loonies run this asylum. It might seem easier at the moment, but all I have to do is ask myself, “Is it easier to fix the path of a three year old or a thirteen year old?”




One Response to “Using A Taser Gun On A Child Is Never The Answer – Right?”

  1. Izzy Hirson August 22, 2013 at 12:55 pm #

    You might want to try what I did and it worked quite well but then they were going to TVT so I do not know if that was more encouraging.
    I had a chart each month on a board and had little cardboard pieces cut up that had “1 Mitzvah Point ” written on them. Every time they behaved or finished their dinner, etc. they got a Mitzvah point sticker on the chart. When they misbehaved they lost a point. At the end of each week whoever had more than 4 cards on the chart got to go to Toys r Us and get a toy. They competed with each other – there were a lot of tears from Lisa when she did not get a present but Ashley did but in the end it really worked well.

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