Archive | January, 2014

The Actress, Cross Dressing, and Elvis

23 Jan

My oldest daughter HB (7) has been apart of an amazing musical theater program for the past year. She takes her singing and acting quite seriously. Dramatic delivery is a part time job for the women in this family. Or so I’ve been told.

Her big show is coming up this weekend and lo and behold, she isn’t feeling completely confident because she doesn’t know all her lines. She’s panicking. Panicking in this pint sized Drama Queen is anything but pretty. When she panics, the house panics.

The crying, the tears, the hysterics began on Tuesday night. Our initial conversation went something like this:

HB: I’m freaking out! I don’t know all my lines and I feel so much pressure to do my homework and learn my lines and eat healthy and be a big sister!

Me: Calm down. We will learn your lines together. You are a wonderful actress, student and big sister. Everything will be fine.

HB: I am very worried. I want to do great at my show. I want to be a real actress. I don’t want to end up like that guy who wears a bra and panties in Hollywood and thinks that we actually BELIEVE that he’s a woman! That is bad acting. I don’t want to end up like that.
The same with the guy ACTING like Elvis, everyone knows Elvis is very old and dead!

There you have it folks. My 7 year old is terrified that she is going to end up like a cross dressing man that stands in front of Mann’s Chinese Theater in Hollywood and sings for tips. Raising kids in the city has perks and quirks, thinking this is definitely leaning towards the quirky side.

From the mouths of babes.



Lather Me Up – Clean Can Be So Dirty

21 Jan

Lather, Rinse, Repeat.

The biggest scam in the beauty industry.

Do they think we don’t know that if we shampoo twice, we will go through the bottle faster, therefore having to buy another bottle sooner than if we washed once?

It’s the same with face wash, lather, rinse, repeat.
If a product can’t get my hair or face clean in one slathering then I have an issue with that product. It’s not like I frequent coal mines, I am not THAT dirty.

I had this great epiphany while browsing the shampoo aisle at Rite Aid yesterday.
Almost every bottle instructed me to do the same thing. I thought to myself, “Do they think I’m stupid?!”
The resounding answer to myself was, YES!
YES, the beauty product industry thinks I am extremely stupid. In fact, they are betting on my lack of knowledge and non-proof based research to make billions of dollars this year.

I started to look at all the different labels promising me luxurious shine, voluminous bounce, and effortless styling. There were even products that swore they would make my hair grow faster and even transform my locks overnight into a completely different texture.
All these boxes and bottles were aimed at me, at my friends, at my sisters and we were buying them hook, line and sinker.

I went ahead and took it one step further, I looked at the ingredients on the back of most of the products and I would say, eighty percent of them had almost identical ingredients in the top ten. I’ve been duped. We all have.

It took me over twenty years to realize that dieting doesn’t work and neither do diet products. Now, the truth about hair products. What’s next? Am I going to discover that my expensive makeup isn’t actually making me look like a supermodel?!

I guess I always kind of knew. We all do. We know that a shampoo can’t transform our hair. We know that face wash won’t make us beautiful. We get it on the surface, but somewhere underneath we hold out hope.

It’s the same in life. There is no magic pill, man, friend, apartment or job that will make us into who we wish we really were. I wish I had realized all this twenty five years ago. In the meantime, I’m done looking for any kind of quick fix and I’m sure as hell done with Lather, Rinse, Repeat.


As always, I love to read your comments, so write me!


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