Raging Lunatic Has Been Ruled Out – Thank Goodness for Small Favors.

1 Mar

I know in the end everything will be okay.
At this very moment, it really doesn’t feel like it.

I have been through tough times in my own life before. I have felt helpless and hopeless and utterly alone.

These feelings I’m having now, the guilt, the sadness, the heartbreak are something different and greater than the weepy woes of my past. This is my child we are dealing with. As much as I joke and bitch and moan, and then joke and bitch some more – I would do just about anything to make my children feel safe and loved.

Something is going on with my son.

I’m not exactly sure what it is yet, but it’s something.
In the beginning I thought he was just a boy being a boy. I was used to the way my very mature daughter had acted at 3 years old. His older sister was having conversations at his age that rivaled those that I had with most adults.

I would like to think that once I realized his outbursts, rage and tantrums were beyond that of an average kid his age, I acted quickly. I don’t think I acted quickly enough. His teachers assured me that he was doing fine in Preschool and I decided to go with the “boys will be boys” old adage.

Flash forward: less than a year later, we are in deep. For every email and comment I will receive after I publish this recommending a book and a sticker chart to help me, I will show you ten that haven’t worked.

I have had him physically checked repeatedly. I have begged the Pediatrician to find an infected ear more than once. At least if he was in physical pain and that was causing the behavioral issues, we could treat it.

He is nearing the end of his evaluation by the school district. The School Psychologist called to tell me, unofficially, that it doesn’t look like they are going to find anything that they can help me with. He is clearly not Autistic or going to qualify for any kind of assistance through the school district. On one hand, I am relieved beyond belief. On the flip side, what now???
In fact, when she observed him in her office and in his class, he was very bright, and eager to please. After both of her observation days he went on tirades of mega proportions. He can hold it together for a certain amount of time and the BOOM!

I have met with two Therapists multiple times and I still have no solid answers or solutions.
I have spent hours upon hours online and on the phone trying to find someone to help us. It turns out there is a major void in the system. If you have a child who is Autistic or has a clearly defined special need, there are many wonderful places and doctors in Los Angeles to help your child. If you have Medi-Cal or qualify as low income there are fantastic centers that offer every kind of assistance you could imagine.

If your child is over the age of seven, a Child Psychiatrist, can help you. My child isn’t even Four yet.

There are also Developmental Pediatricians, and they sound like exactly what we need. I called yesterday to make an appointment on recommendation from my Pediatrician. The earliest appointment is APRIL, they don’t take any insurance, visit cost is $650-$850 and an average of 3-4 visits to assess child. I better get my ass in shape in case I have to start pole dancing to pay for all this. OMG.

I have two good leads to chase this upcoming week. I can feel my first grey hairs growing in as I dial every number and I’m told that they can’t help me.

Did I mention that he has a twin sister and an older sister? For every well meaning person that tells me, “It’s nothing, don’t worry about it.” I can feel the grey hairs growing in even faster. This ain’t my first time at the rodeo Thank you very much.

Grateful for the little moments of peace. Beyond grateful that most of the professionals so far have said that this is something he will eventually mature out of, some kids have a rougher time through the Preschool years they say.
Thankful for my family, friends and Xanax.
Most of all, thankful for my children.

I know, in the end, everything will be okay, it always is.



One Response to “Raging Lunatic Has Been Ruled Out – Thank Goodness for Small Favors.”

  1. Jon March 3, 2014 at 11:38 am #

    Hang in there sista! Your strength is a powerful example for those around you. Keep going down the path you’re on and you’ll find a solution. You’re too smart and resourceful not to.

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