Archive | November, 2014

My Ass, Her Ass, Kim’s Ass, Ridiculous Biznass

17 Nov

Yesterday I broke one of my iron clad rules and I reacted publicly about another woman’s body.

I internally debated for days on whether talking about Kim Kardashian’s bare behind on the cover of Paper magazine would be worth breaking my rule. I finally decided to share an article originally posted on TIME because it summed up part of what I was thinking about the whole dealio.

My gripe is, I have more to say about it.
The article I shared was truly fantastic. The author pointed out that there was no substance behind what she did by baring her greased up bottom on the cover of a magazine.

I’ve read countless opinions, rants, raves and straight up trashings over the whole thing. Here’s what I think in no particular order:

1. Did Kim Kardashian set back the feminist movement? I say, no way. Feminism is all about women having the right to say what they want to say, work where they want to work, wear what they want to wear, and so on and so forth. If this woman decides that she wants to exploit her butt in a sexual and degrading manner, that’s her choice. Now, here’s the tricky part… Whether consumers decide to support it is where the message lies. As long as we as consumers pay more attention to a photo shopped tush over a SATELITTE LANDING ON A COMET, then feminism still has a long way to go.

2. PHOTOSHOP. Are people not aware that all magazine photos are photoshopped? I thought this was old news brought to everyone’s attention years ago. Models and actors are photoshopped down to altering the size of their wrists and the angle of their ear canal. Models always comment that they don’t even recognize the person looking back at them in print ads. That picture is photoshopped, it’s not real, it’s an illusion, come on people, get with the program here!!!

3. Does posing nude make Kim Kardashian an unfit mother? I think that that question is even out there being asked proves that Men and Women are not seen as equals in the home or the workplace. If she was a man, would anyone have asked that question? I didn’t think so. Moving on…

4. Let’s take men out of the equation. How can we get women to stop being so obsessed with other women’s bodies? It is an absolute distraction and a waste of female brain time and power. To focus on Blake Lively’s “bump” or how quickly Eva Mendes shed the baby weight should be seen as equal to if not even more boring than discussing boiling water.
Here’s my suggestion: when you greet another girl or women, do not comment on her appearance. Ask a question, comment on her recent accomplishments, discuss the news. Once you realize just how hard it is to not greet another woman with, “I love your hair.” Or “You lost so much weight!” You will realize that Kim Kardashian isn’t really the problem here, we are.

I dare myself and all my readers to stop commenting about girls and women’s bodies. Think of all the things important we will get to talk about if we aren’t discussing weight loss, cellulite and wrinkles.



Kim Kardashian’s Butt Is an Empty Promise

16 Nov


Last night Paper magazine released two of their latest covers, one featuring Kim Kardashian and the other one featuring an even more famous celebrity: Kim Kardashian’s butt. They were emblazoned with the words “Break the Internet,” and they certainly did. The images instantly shot to the highest currency in today’s media: they were trending. But that’s pretty much all they were. There is nothing behind that butt other than it being a really nice butt. That is the end–pun intended–of it.

This is not the first time that we have seen Kim Kardashian’s posterior. And it is not the first time that we have seen Kim Kardashian naked on the cover of a magazine. Strangely enough, she suggested back in 2010, the last time she was naked on a cover, that she wouldn’t pose nude again. She already broke that promise once this year, baring it all for British…

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A List For My Daughters – 11 Things About Love (what I know so far)

12 Nov

1. You will fall in love more than once in your life. You will probably fall in love more than twice.

2. You will have your heart broken. Possibly smashed, shredded, torn to pieces and then stomped on.

3. I promise you with every Mommy pinky swear in my body, that you will recover from your broken heart. No matter how badly you were hurt and even if you can’t imagine ever picking yourself up off the floor again, you will.

4. You will break someone’s heart. You may not intend to or even be aware that you did it, but you will.

5. Love shouldn’t hurt. If loving your partner brings you more pain than joy, that ain’t love. Move on, you will love again.

6. Love comes in all shapes, ages, colors and religions. Arguably loving someone with a similar background, belief system and family is much easier than loving someone totally foreign. But, the heart want what it wants and can’t be talked into love.

7. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you have to be with them, marry them, or have children with them. Maybe they are meant to be your best friend, a lesson learned, or a wonderful memory.

8. Slow down and enjoy the beginning of love. There is nothing like those first few weeks and months of falling for someone. It’s delicious bliss. Don’t overthink or wonder where it will end up. Enjoy it, live in the moment. This is what life is all about.

9. Love yourself first. I mean it! Let me save you twenty years of therapy, deep talks, tears, and self-help books. It all comes back to you sweethearts. You have to accept and even more so completely embrace every last imperfect inch of yourself inside and out. If you don’t then nobody else will and that means you will never find your true soulmate and love. If you don’t know who you are, then how the hell do you expect anybody else to?

10. Stay in on Valentines Day. It’s an overpriced, overrated and overhyped pretend holiday.

11. If you forget all of the above and you aren’t sure what to do: call me, come see me, I am not an expert, but I have been through a thing or two. Love is glorious and grand and I cannot wait to see how it all unfolds for the two of you.



Back Stabbed In Beverly Hills

8 Nov

There are only a few times in my life that I have been betrayed.

It’s the reason that I am trusting and open. If you have ever met me, or read my blog you will know that I will tell you almost anything about myself.
I assume that every person I cross has the best intentions and a good heart. I have hurt people, I have let people down, pissed them off, disappointed them. I have never gone into a situation purposely to use and hurt a person.

When I began writing this blog I knew that the there would be critics. I expected there to be haters. I heard early on from family members and friends when they didn’t agree with the way I handled a situation or if they thought I did something wrong. I listened to them, thought about it and either applied the advice or disregarded accordingly. I cannot please everyone. No matter what I do, there will always be someone who thinks that I should parent differently,write differently, walk, talk and breath differently. I can’t please everyone, wish I could, but I can’t.
So, I write and I parent and live…

I knew one day might come when someone threw it all in my face.
Well folks, that day has come. An acquaintance in Beverly Hills, about my Mother’s age, has reminded me that there are bad people in the world. She pretended to be my friend and a fan of my blog. She gave me motherly advice and hugged me the last time we saw each other.
She then proceeded to use my blog as a way to frame me and my children in the most negative light that one would ever want to be portrayed in.

My point in writing this is not to get emails of support or outrage against this woman. I believe there is a special place in hell for women who betray other women. There must be an even more exclusive place for mothers who betray other mothers. My point in telling this story is to remind myself and others that not everyone is going to like what you do or what you say. Not everyone is going to be nice to you. You know what? That’s ok. We can’t crumble every time we face one of these people, because for every one naysayer there are twenty people who think you are absolutely fantastic.

For every guy who dumps you there are ten more around the corner.
For every job you lose a better opportunity awaits you.
For every parking space you miss a better one will come up another time.
For every hater there are one hundred supporters.

Everything happens for a reason, even a below the belt hitting Beverly Hills bitch. I just can’t see that reason right now ;)



Chocolate Is Cheaper Than Cocaine – Addicted

3 Nov



I found the Halloween candy.

Every year as soon as the trick or treating is done and the kids are asleep, I eat a few pieces and then the rest of the candy gets hidden from me by their Dad. Is that really necessary, to have some little chocolate bars and M&M’s stashed away from me like I’m a child? Totally.

I don’t keep any cookies, candy, or chocolate of any kind in my house. I simply can’t be trusted alone in a house with any type of baked good containing chocolate or chocolate candy. I don’t know moderation.
Advising me to eat one tiny piece of chocolate is like putting $100 in a compulsive gambler’s hand, dropping him off at a casino and telling him to only use $5.

Everything would have gone smoothly this year if Halloween wouldn’t have been on a Friday. It being on a Friday meant that I was left home all weekend knowing the candy was lurking somewhere in the house. Teasing me, taunting me, calling my name. I did such an amazing job resisting temptation until Sunday night. Out of the corner of my eye I saw an Elsa themed trick or treat bag shoved in the top of the hall closet, I knew it was all over.
Within minutes of everyone going to sleep I was 5 pieces deep with no signs of slowing.

I tried to talk to myself, “Think of your jeans, they won’t fit if you keep this up.” Nope, kept going.
“This is so unhealthy, awful for your metabolism, bad for your brain.” Nope, moved on to the Snickers.

Finally, finally, I had had enough. I guess that’s the way addiction works. You want what you want when you want it until you don’t want it anymore, and then you wait until you want it again.

As I sat back and looked at all the wrappers I imagined what the kids would say if they walked in and saw them. All my speeches about sugar in moderation and how your body is a precious machine not a trash can. Meanwhile, Mommy had just become a burial ground for every mini twix, snickers and crap candy bar within a mile of the house.

Here’s my take away:

1.Everybody has a weakness, distraction or an addiction. Mine is sugar. Therefore, Halloween is not my friend. I need to come up with a better plan before next year.

2. Children do the things you do, not the things you say you do.
I can preach all I want about healthy eating to my kids, but I need to make sure they see me doing it.

3. I’m going to research an addiction such as sewing or card counting, because then at least I will be able to make myself useful instead of just diabetic.



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