Archive | May, 2015

Fat. It’s Not A Sin Anymore.

28 May

The World’s First Size 22 Supermodel! That’s the headline on the cover of People magazine this week. The picture accompanying it is of Tess Holliday, a 29 year old model who also happens to be 5’5 and weigh 280 pounds. The typical model is about 5’10 and 120 pounds. Her face is what would be considered beautiful by conventional standards, a model’s face for sure. Her body wouldn’t usually even qualify her for plus size modeling. Most of the time plus size models aren’t even actually plus sized. They are approximately a size 10, which would be significantly less than Holliday’s size 22. To put this in perspective, the average American woman is a size 16-18. Although in Beverly Hills I am pretty sure it’s more like a size 2-4.

I grew up obsessed with fashion TV and magazines. Along with that obsession grew a fascination with models. From a very young age I could tell you the physical stats and personal basics about most models walking the runway in the 1990’s. Even in college my walls were plastered with pages from the magazines of high fashion looks I loved and the uber super models wearing them. I began to think that looking like them was an attainable goal.  Looking back on it now I realize that I had no clue that these women were born this way. Genetically predisposed to be six inches taller than the average woman, born with long thin necks, and given a symmetrical face that is pleasing to a camera. I wish someone would have clued me in to all this and it could have saved me quite a bit of grief in the body shaming and body acceptance department.

Maybe if there had been a beautiful woman on the cover of People magazine that was more than twice my size being called a supermodel, it would have made a difference. These days there are entire movements dedicated to body acceptance. Teaching girls and women to accept and even celebrate their bodies no matter what size or shape they are. There are plus size models on billboards and in major ad campaigns. Not only all this but now on any Disney show you will see the chubby girl, the kid with glasses and frizzy hair, the friend in a wheelchair, the neighbor with dyslexia, the divorced parents and even the super smart yet still attractive girl. 
I stopped buying fashion and tabloid magazines long ago. I had decided to stop feeding my obsession and stop supporting an industry that can be destructive in countless ways. Yesterday I bought 5 copies of this month’s People magazine with Tess Holliday on the cover. I want this month’s edition to sell out, I want the publishers, advertisers and my children to hear me. I wish I had seen a cover like this when I was 8 years old. 

At least I get to see it now.

xoxo

  

What I Really Want to Say to Newlyweds Dying to Have Kids

20 May

1. Don’t have kids.

2. Okay, fine, have kids. But wait until you absolutely have to have them. Like, to the point where either your eggs are so old they are about to rot OR when you start dreaming about kidnapping other women’s babies. Then, do what you have to.

3. When you finally do make the totally irrational decision to have kids, remember, trying to prepare is a complete waste of time. No book, class or YouTube video can prepare you for what you are about to experience. Just go to sleep. Sleep as much as you can. Because you will never sleep again.

4. When you find yourself knocked up: The baby registry. I had a baby registry. When I go back and read it now, it’s the most pathetic thing I’ve ever composed besides my birth plan. How I so carefully chose each onesie, each bottle, and every last item they could market to a first time mom. I spent months gathering the perfect stash. Here’s what you really need: A box of newborn size diapers, cheap onesies, a bassinet, formula or your boobs, and a shit load of cheap burp cloths. Everything else is decorative. 

5. When people ask how many kids you want, you sound stupid when you gaze into each other’s eyes and say, “four or five at least.” I know young new love is intoxicating, but sober up. Start with one baby and go from there. Besides, have you even considered where your four or five kids will go to public school? Or how you you will pay for the house in the good public school district for the kids to attend said school? Or will you be paying the $30,000 yearly tuition per child starting at the age of two? Exactly. 

6. Planning on going back to work and having Mary Poppins care for your angel? Let me save you a tremendous amount of heartache here. The perfect nanny doesn’t exist. A loving educated person to raise your child exactly as you would who also cleans your house and does your laundry all while keeping the bambinos safe and the dog fed…. This woman is a myth. If you go looking for her and on top of it offer to pay her $12 an hour, then everyday will become take your baby to work day for you. Pick your battles. No nanny is going to be you. No nanny is Wonder Woman. Find someone who genuinely enjoys children, believes in honest work and values safety. Everything else is negotiable.

7. If you have a problem with the smell of poop then this kid thing is not going to work out well for you.

8. If you absolutely must have kids, I will admit, but only this once, that in the end, it’s worth it. It’s hard and scary and exhausting and painful. Being a mother is also at the core of my being the most ultimately divine and important thing I have ever done and will ever do in my life.  But let’s just keep that between you and I.
xoxo

  

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