Archive | March, 2017

Blessed as F*ck

30 Mar

There are days when I text friends and say things like,

“If I don’t get a big break from them soon I am going to start drinking.”

What’s interesting about texts like that are that I’m not trying to be funny, I am actually dead serious. There are days that these kids push me to the edge of my sanity. To the point where I wholeheartedly understand the mother on Oprah who was locked in her laundry room with a vodka bottle while her three kids banged on the door.

My kids seem to find a way to locate every last nerve and twist, pinch and flick them until I am a frayed band of sliced strings holding on for dear life. How’s that description of what it’s like with three spirited kids for ya? Pretty different from what you hear all over Facebook about everybody being blessed and grateful and even more blessed.

I suppose I’m just shocked that this gig is still hard, even though I don’t have any babies or toddlers in the house anymore. It’s getting easier is so many ways, I will give you that. I no longer have to worry about one of my kids running into oncoming traffic just because, why the fuck not? That’s what little kids do. The days of even thinking twice about anyone choking on a foreign object that looked “yummy” are long gone. Even my concerns about a stranger randomly picking them up and taking them have waned. I can barely carry any of them from the couch to their bedrooms without killing my back.

The issues are different now. They refuse to do their homework, take showers, stop hitting each other, get dressed for parties, eat dinner, clean up, go poop, stop picking their noses, stay in their own rooms all night, stop hitting each other, sleep in later, stop hitting each other!!!

On good days they won’t do all these thing at once, on bad days they do all of the above and pull out their special tricks, like my son loves to say the word FUCK. The kid adores the word fuck as much as I love frozen yogurt and that’s a lot. It’s funny the first few times, but then it’s not.

Mother’s Log – Yesterday, 7:30pm: I am on the tail end of the stomach flu. My 10-year old is hysterically sobbing and faux convulsing because she cannot believe I am so cruel to want her to take another shower when she just took one the day before, my 6-year old son is in my face yelling F-U-C-K over and over and over, meanwhile, his twin sister has decided she is going to use permanent marker to write all her friends’ names on the living room wall. (plus emojis) 

Would I want to be me, today, 39 and childless? No way. Do I love them so much sometimes that is scares me? Totally. Do I realize how unbelievably lucky I am that my children and I are healthy? I truly do. Is it still really hard at the end of the day to look at the permanent marker on my wall and dark circles underneath my eyes and say I am blessed? Yup.





Smile For Me Sexy Girl

8 Mar

Today is International Women’s Day and I have a few things I would like to say on this occasion:

  1. Every time you call another woman a bitch an angel in heaven dies. Maybe that’s a bit extreme, but you get my point. Bitch has historically been used by men to describe a woman that is uncompromising, strong, or unwilling to give him what he wants. Gloria Steinem says we should reclaim the word “bitch” and make it a good thing. Like, boss bitch or refer to your best girlfriend as you main bitch. I disagree with Gloria, which doesn’t happen very often. I do not want to be called a bitch no matter what awesome word you put before it. I don’t even want to be called a genius gorgeous amazing perfect bitch. No matter how true all of that may be before the     b-word.
  2. I don’t have to smile for anyone. I don’t have to smile for anyone. I don’t have to smile for anyone. I am a grown woman with 3 children and I still feel that I have to smile at everyone because I don’t want them to think I’m a bitch. (see #1)  No matter how many times I have told myself that I do not have to smile for anyone, I still smile at everyone. I’m not saying that this is an entirely bad thing. I think it’s nice to smile at acquaintances, waiters, other parents at school pick up, and to be friendly. What bothers me is when I automatically smile at complete strangers, especially men, like I owe them something. It begins in childhood, “Let’s see that smile little girl.” or “Show me a pretty happy face” and then the teen and adult years, “Why so sad beautiful?” or “smile for me sexy.” I do not have to smile for anyone. My children do not have to smile for anyone. YOU do not have to smile for anyone.
  3. Stop greeting women with, “You look great, have you lost weight?!” Just stop it! Our greatest accomplishment as women is not to see how much weight we can lose or how young we can look. Of course we all want to look and feel our best, thats great, me too! But when the first thing you say to another woman is about their appearance it sends a clear message  to them and to everyone listening about what we value. It shouts out that we value the way the person looks, not how they are feeling, not what they did earlier in the day, only their outer layer and if it appears up to societal standards at the moment. Here’s the best part, guess who is watching us do this to each other day in and day out… our children.

March 8, 2017. International Women’s Day. Donald Trump is the President.

Something tells me that you might be hearing from me a bit more this year…


Image result for criticising womens bodies





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