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#METOO.

23 Oct

Time is running out on how much longer I can write posts like this one. It’s one thing to have a controversial voice and swear like a sailor as a “blogger mom in the neighborhood” it’s a whole other thing to be writing pieces like this as a psychotherapist in training, which is what I am now. So, here’s one for before I have to become unofficially official…

Obviously, METOO. Any woman that can say that they have never ever experienced any type of situation that would not have happened if men were not allowed to act the way some of them do, is an impossible woman to find. As I’ve been reading through all my friends and acquaintances post their #metoo stories in response to the outing and multiple rape and sexual assault allegations of super-perv Harvey Weinstein, I don’t feel like writing #METOO.

I feel like writing, F*CK YOU! F*ck you to all the men that have hurt my family, friends and the friends of my friends. F*ck you to the all the bosses that use their power to prey on those that work for them. F*ck you to all the teachers and professors who take advantage of their students who look to them for knowledge, F*ck you to all the relatives and neighbors (and there are many of them) who have destroyed entire childhoods, F*ck you to the men on the street telling me to smile.

F*ck you to the local Pediatrician I met four days ago, who asked for me a date and then repeatedly told me on our very first phone call what lingerie to wear to our first date so I could make him happy. This guy knew I was a mother of three, he knew I probably had friends that are patients of his, but those facts didn’t phase him. Why didn’t they? Because he acts like this all the time and gets away with it. Because he’s in the position of power, he’s the doctor, he has the answers, he saves people, and if he’s acting this way it must be okay and maybe there is something wrong with me.

I am not going to say, METOO. I am going to say; All of the men out there that have been getting away this, it’s over. We are now watching you, all of you.

I will never allow the “boys will be boys” mentality to ever cross my mind again and you shouldn’t either. I am not automatically anyone’s hot piece of ass, or a fat piece of ass or a MILF or your fantasy, neither are any of the other women in this world.

#Wearewatchingyou

trump pic locker

 

 

 

Perfect Is For Pussies

9 Jun

Here’s what I learned today – I am not perfect. 

I know, I know, you are shocked. I am too. I try very hard to get things right. I hate messing up. I hate disappointing people. I beyond despise looking like an idiot.

 I realized today that I am not and never ever will be perfect. I have quirks, bad habits, and annoying tendencies. In fact, there are going to be some people that simply don’t like me because of these things and that’s ok. It took me a long time to really get this concept, but I get it now. I have some amazing qualities about me that people will love and other features that will drive people nuts. It’s not my responsibility to make everyone like or love me. 

There are those who see me as I am, totally imperfectly perfect and embrace me completely. 

So, the next time someone drives you up a wall, remember, you can move along and let them be or accept them as the imperfect human being that they are. 

Because no matter how hard we all try, perfect ain’t happening. 

Unless you are Taylor Swift. She seems like she’s pretty damn perfect. 

xoxo
  

Fat. It’s Not A Sin Anymore.

28 May

The World’s First Size 22 Supermodel! That’s the headline on the cover of People magazine this week. The picture accompanying it is of Tess Holliday, a 29 year old model who also happens to be 5’5 and weigh 280 pounds. The typical model is about 5’10 and 120 pounds. Her face is what would be considered beautiful by conventional standards, a model’s face for sure. Her body wouldn’t usually even qualify her for plus size modeling. Most of the time plus size models aren’t even actually plus sized. They are approximately a size 10, which would be significantly less than Holliday’s size 22. To put this in perspective, the average American woman is a size 16-18. Although in Beverly Hills I am pretty sure it’s more like a size 2-4.

I grew up obsessed with fashion TV and magazines. Along with that obsession grew a fascination with models. From a very young age I could tell you the physical stats and personal basics about most models walking the runway in the 1990’s. Even in college my walls were plastered with pages from the magazines of high fashion looks I loved and the uber super models wearing them. I began to think that looking like them was an attainable goal.  Looking back on it now I realize that I had no clue that these women were born this way. Genetically predisposed to be six inches taller than the average woman, born with long thin necks, and given a symmetrical face that is pleasing to a camera. I wish someone would have clued me in to all this and it could have saved me quite a bit of grief in the body shaming and body acceptance department.

Maybe if there had been a beautiful woman on the cover of People magazine that was more than twice my size being called a supermodel, it would have made a difference. These days there are entire movements dedicated to body acceptance. Teaching girls and women to accept and even celebrate their bodies no matter what size or shape they are. There are plus size models on billboards and in major ad campaigns. Not only all this but now on any Disney show you will see the chubby girl, the kid with glasses and frizzy hair, the friend in a wheelchair, the neighbor with dyslexia, the divorced parents and even the super smart yet still attractive girl. 
I stopped buying fashion and tabloid magazines long ago. I had decided to stop feeding my obsession and stop supporting an industry that can be destructive in countless ways. Yesterday I bought 5 copies of this month’s People magazine with Tess Holliday on the cover. I want this month’s edition to sell out, I want the publishers, advertisers and my children to hear me. I wish I had seen a cover like this when I was 8 years old. 

At least I get to see it now.

xoxo

  

Your Kid, Your Business – Until Now

6 Feb

Guess what????

If you want to breastfeed your child until he or she is 6 years old that is really none of my business. Might it be a little awkward for me to try and explain to my children why a child older than them is being fed this way, the first time they see it. But, we would get through it, I would explain it the best I could and it would end with, “In this world every Mommy chooses what is best for her child and that Mommy chooses that, that’s all.”
If you want to wear your 30 pound 3 year old in a sling around your neck absolutely everywhere you go, more power to ya. If you want to send your 5 year old to year round boarding school in Switzerland, Godspeed. You can feed your kid only raw veggies that are grown from your garden on your farm or stuff them full of marshmallows and gummy bears. Not my kid, not my business.
Not my kid. Not my business. Unless, the choices you are making for your kid are endangering my kids.

If you decide that you are going to send your kid to school with
an AK-47 because your kid is highly trained in using it and needs it just in case something bad happens. We are gonna have a problem.

If your kid brings her poisonous rattlesnake to school in her backpack but swears it’s safe because it’s never hurt anyone before. We are gonna have a problem.

If you don’t vaccinate your children against completely preventable diseases that could kill your friends and neighbors, including my kids. We are gonna have a problem.

I believe strongly in letting every person be who they truly are at the essence of their being. Mothers and fathers have to do what feels right to them when raising their children. I know it’s scary being a parent, the choices are overwhelming and paralyzing. Co-sleeping, breastfeeding, potty learning methods, discipline, sign language, Montessori, Waldorf, Parochial, only child, lots of siblings, the list goes on and on…. All of these are your individual choice and totally none of my business.

I know we feel disconnected from what is happening in the rest of the world. As we drive our SUV’s to Coffee Bean, from soccer practice to school pick ups through out our busy days, it’s hard to remember how ugly life can be. Disease is ugly. Measles, Mumps and Rubella are terrifying and ugly. I beg you to do your research. Truly thorough research. These vaccines are not linked to autism. There simply is no credible proof. We need to snap out of our Facebook comas and become students once again and use our brains here. If you aren’t sure where your religion stands on the issue, check in with a religious leader. Just don’t do nothing.

xoxo

Below: Quotes from Melinda Gates and The UNICEF organization

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My Ass, Her Ass, Kim’s Ass, Ridiculous Biznass

17 Nov

Yesterday I broke one of my iron clad rules and I reacted publicly about another woman’s body.

I internally debated for days on whether talking about Kim Kardashian’s bare behind on the cover of Paper magazine would be worth breaking my rule. I finally decided to share an article originally posted on TIME because it summed up part of what I was thinking about the whole dealio.

My gripe is, I have more to say about it.
The article I shared was truly fantastic. The author pointed out that there was no substance behind what she did by baring her greased up bottom on the cover of a magazine.

I’ve read countless opinions, rants, raves and straight up trashings over the whole thing. Here’s what I think in no particular order:

1. Did Kim Kardashian set back the feminist movement? I say, no way. Feminism is all about women having the right to say what they want to say, work where they want to work, wear what they want to wear, and so on and so forth. If this woman decides that she wants to exploit her butt in a sexual and degrading manner, that’s her choice. Now, here’s the tricky part… Whether consumers decide to support it is where the message lies. As long as we as consumers pay more attention to a photo shopped tush over a SATELITTE LANDING ON A COMET, then feminism still has a long way to go.

2. PHOTOSHOP. Are people not aware that all magazine photos are photoshopped? I thought this was old news brought to everyone’s attention years ago. Models and actors are photoshopped down to altering the size of their wrists and the angle of their ear canal. Models always comment that they don’t even recognize the person looking back at them in print ads. That picture is photoshopped, it’s not real, it’s an illusion, come on people, get with the program here!!!

3. Does posing nude make Kim Kardashian an unfit mother? I think that that question is even out there being asked proves that Men and Women are not seen as equals in the home or the workplace. If she was a man, would anyone have asked that question? I didn’t think so. Moving on…

4. Let’s take men out of the equation. How can we get women to stop being so obsessed with other women’s bodies? It is an absolute distraction and a waste of female brain time and power. To focus on Blake Lively’s “bump” or how quickly Eva Mendes shed the baby weight should be seen as equal to if not even more boring than discussing boiling water.
Here’s my suggestion: when you greet another girl or women, do not comment on her appearance. Ask a question, comment on her recent accomplishments, discuss the news. Once you realize just how hard it is to not greet another woman with, “I love your hair.” Or “You lost so much weight!” You will realize that Kim Kardashian isn’t really the problem here, we are.

I dare myself and all my readers to stop commenting about girls and women’s bodies. Think of all the things important we will get to talk about if we aren’t discussing weight loss, cellulite and wrinkles.

xoxo

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