Archive | Trials & Twinulations RSS feed for this section

Ready For Takeoff!

20 Dec

When I found out 6 years ago that I was pregnant with twins I was utterly shocked and over the moon ecstatic. It didn’t take that long for the reality to set in because I already had a 3 year old at home and I knew how hard being a mother was. I wasn’t heading blissfully into motherhood, I knew what was waiting for me… Times two.

So, I decided early on that I was going to have to do this my way because it was the only way I was going to survive having three children under 3 and a half. 

My first decision was that I would not be breastfeeding the twins. Not for a second. No debate. It wasn’t up for discussion. As a second time mother I had the confidence to make that choice and not second guess myself. I could have never had don’t that my first, I cared too much about what the experts, the other mothers, and everyone else thought about “what’s best” for my child.

The second decision I made was that I was going to need help. I was not going to be a martyr and try to tell everyone how I did it all alone day after day. I was very clear with my husband that we needed to do everything possible to make sure I was not going to be left alone to take care of all three children when they were little. It really scared me and I don’t think that it’s good for mothers to be scared if they don’t have to be. 

The third decision I made was that we were going to stay close to home. I had friends who traveled everywhere with their kids. Schlepped them on fifteen hour flights as newborns and took toddlers to third world countries all by themselves. I was not going to be doing any of that. The thought of bringing twin toddlers plus their big sister through an airport and onto an airplane to stay in a hotel, sounded like the equivalent of Chinese water torture. I know myself well enough to recognize that I’m just not a laid back enough mom to go with the flow as all three kids melt down on an airplane while they lick strangers armrests, eat nuts off the floor and piss themselves. 

So, I didn’t breastfeed the twins, I had lots of help when they were little and I’ve never taken them on an airplane. All great choices for us. 

This brings us to today. The twins are five and a half and big sister is 9. Tomorrow, I fly with them for the first time. It really feels like a milestone. These little children are actually real people now. They don’t scare the hell out of me anymore and I even feel confident enough to move about the country with them on an airplane for 5 hours! It’s magical and mysterious how time can go so slowly and so fast at the same time. That seems to be a theme here in the motherhood.

Happy Holidays, Safe Travels and Happy New Year!

xoxo
  

Call Me A Party Pooper

5 Oct

I am sick and tired of waking up in pee.

I don’t even know if it’s better or worse that it’s not my own pee. I feel like I have had to deal with with my children’s bodily functions for entirely too long.

I’m not talking about changing their diapers when they were babies or toddlers, I’m talking all the other times. The poop blowouts at The Kids Museum, when you forgot to bring a change of clothes. The time both twins had #2 accidents at the park in 102 degree heat. My all time favorite, the time I was pregnant with the twins and called the doctor hysterically to tell her my water broke at 33 weeks. When in reality, HB, who was newly potty trained had snuck into my bed and simply peed on me.

The twins are 4. Completely potty trained for awhile during the day and very recently both decided to start wearing underwear at night. Great! That’s the way it’s supposed to happen, no pressure from me, child led choice. Awesome.

It’s not going well. Two, sometimes three nights a week if I get lucky, I wake up in urine. If you are wondering why they aren’t in their own beds, it seems that they make it to my bed to tell me that they have to go to the bathroom and instead they climb in, start cuddling and let it flow. Out of the kindness of their little hearts they take turns. Usually only one kid per night, but not always. We also seem to have poop under control. Thank G-D for small favors.

The easy solution? Make them go back to wearing Pull-ups and call it a (dry) night. It doesn’t seem that simple to me or to them. This was their choice that made independently because they felt ready. It is a new skill and a new habit that they are learning that may require some time to perfect. If I tell them that I am taking the power away from them because they didn’t succeed immediately, what am I teaching them? If I lock the door to my bedroom and tell them to figure it out on their own, then I might be saying that I’m not here for them when the shit hits the fan, literally.

This too shall pass, I know. In the grand scheme of things if my biggest problem is that my 4 year olds would rather cuddle with me than go into the cold, bright bathroom in the middle of the night, I will take it. Besides I think I read somewhere that pee was good for your skin, or was that beer? If they start coming into my room and dumping beer on me, then we might have a much more serious problem.

xoxo

IMG_0332-0.JPG

The Hippy, The Cop and The Phobic Actress – My Treasures

24 Sep

I learned something huge this year that has made me a better person. It might be one of the most important life lessons I have picked up so far. Ready?

People are born who they are.

I am sure of it, without a doubt that humans come with their core spirit in tact when they arrive in this world. I have watched three of my children from birth to the ages of four and eight and they are each unique individuals in their own right.

The biggest opportunity I’ve had to see this is with my twins. They were grown in the same womb, at the exact same time, with all the same conditions. After birth they were fed the same food, slept in the same crib, strolled in the same stroller and played with the same toys.

Yet, these two twins could not be more different.

TR – Is a free spirit through and through. She can’t control herself from screaming along and swirling her hips wildly every time she hears the faintest hint of music.
JH – Covers his ears if the music is too loud and is extremely particular about the tunes he enjoys and those he hates.
TR- Sees a neighbor’s sprinklers soaking their lawn, runs over fully clothed, throws herself to the ground head first to roll in it without a pause.
JH- watches this in horror. Looks at me and in a state of panic yells to his twin sister, “Please! Get up! You are going to get dirty and arrested, that not our lawn!”
This scenario pretty much sums it up. It has been this way as long as I can remember. He is who he is and she is who she is.

Do I believe that a person’s spirit can be altered and even broken? Of course! Can a parent or peers affect the behavior or actions of a child? absolutely! Just as I know now that a human can also be nurtured and spirit lit aglow by those around them who see what makes them shine at their core.

I constantly hear parents trying to figure out what is wrong with their kid. Parents want to know why their child does things differently than their peers. Why are they having a harder time raising or understanding their child than the other parents?

My answer is that yes, there are some kids that really do have developmental and behavioral issues that need to be addressed professionally. For the most part, parents and teachers are missing the point that children are people too. They are born with their own unique spirit. What makes one child light up inside May make another one feel hollow. Children have dynamic personalities before us as parents even get our hands on them.

I’ve learned to take a step back when dealing with my children. What makes one daughter painfully difficult to handle in one situation is also what makes her remarkably easy in another. What makes my son quirky one moment, is also what makes him spectacularly unique the next. What would normally embarrass me about my child, I embrace. Most of the time.

I encourage you to read stories about the childhoods of some of the wold’s greatest scientists, artists, inventors, humanitarians, writers and CEO’s. I can guarantee you that you will find stories of serious quirkiness and major oddball wackiness. I bet their parents will say it was all worth it in the end.

xoxo

IMG_0329.JPG

Psycho Nanny Comes For A Visit

17 Jul

I interviewed a potential nanny yesterday and I almost hired her. She was outgoing, professional, and cheerful. She had a binder that she shared with me, full of written and signed references covering the past twenty years. She was legal to work here in the U.S. And CPR certified. This delightful lady explained to me with tears in her eyes that she was never able to have children of her own and became a nanny to share all the love that she has for children.
This woman was so experienced that I felt that she wasn’t a fit for what I was looking for. She was a REAL PROFESSIONAL NANNY. I really need a housekeeper and an extra set of hands around the house in the afternoons. This woman belonged with a family who had a baby or two and possibly a working Mother with an infant.

Or. So. I. Thought.

I thanked the Woman for coming and I told her honestly that I wasn’t going to hire her. I then told her that I was going to help her find a job because I really liked her. She was very grateful, shook my hand, smiled big, “God Bless You Miss.”

I immediately went upstairs and hit my arsenal of Mommies the best way I know how, Facebook. I know firsthand what it’s like to have three small children, a husband who works all the time and be desperate for some trustworthy help with the kids. I posted about my great interview and said that I would pass along this Woman’s number if anyone wanted to interview her themselves. I immediately received at least twenty responses from interested people. I was such a mensch! I was going to get her a job and an exhausted Mommy some help!

About 8pm last night I get a Facebook message:
“Did the woman you interviewed look like this?” With a picture of the amazing nanny I was spreading the word about.

My stomach dropped. Omg. What have I done?

I immediately responded, “Yes, that’s her. Is she bad? Do you know her?!”

After a bunch of emails and finally a phone call with another Beverly Hills Mom, with proof, it was confirmed. Not only was my great nanny find not a great nanny, but she was a horrible one. She was not only an incompetent employee, but a bad person. I ran to Facebook as fast as I could to retract my recommendation to interview this woman.

How did this happen? How did I almost hire a Woman that has no business being anywhere near children? Why did I send out the name of a Woman that I don’t know personally? Is my gut instinct broken? What can I learn from this?

I’ve been doing this Mom thing for almost 8 years. I obviously still have a lot to learn.

xoxo

20140717-115324-42804329.jpg

The Sick Joke – Visiting Week

26 Aug

I have been looking forward to today for 4 weeks. First day of Preschool!!

Summer camp ended a month ago for my 3 year old twins and I have been counting down ever since then. But, of course, I found out yesterday, it was too good to be true. As it turns out, this week is in fact not the first week back to school for the kids. For their age group it is “visiting week” at their Preschool. Which means that I go with them for an hour everyday all week. That’s it, one hour, and done.

I cried when I heard, literally cried.

Visiting Week. Awesome concept. Get the kids acclimatized, let them meet their new teachers, get used to the routine, ease into the transition.
For this mother of three, who has been to the Zoo, The Aquarium, The Beach and every Park within a 5 mile radius – not so awesome.

I totally grasp the concept and psychology behind it. I’m sure some of this, one hour a day visiting is done so the parents can adjust to leaving their children at school. I was once a first time parent with an only child, I get it. But those days are three screaming kids and 5 thousand sleepless nights behind me.
I have no qualms about teachers peeling a hysterical child off my leg as I walk out of the classroom door and wave bye-bye. I’ve been through this before. They cry for five minutes, demand Mommy comes back. Then, they discover a puzzle or a toy that they like and they might as well be orphans.

As “visiting time” wrapped up today, I seriously considered slipping the teachers some money to keep the kids there for a couple extra hours. It’s cruel to make a mother, feed and dress two 3 year olds, get them into car seats, into school and then send them right back home again after an hour, cruel.

It has been the longest Summer of my entire life. I have learned a lot about myself. I have learned that I am totally capable of taking care of three young children all by myself. I learned that I am much more resourceful than I look. I learned that going to bed exhausted after a long day of hard work feels fulfilling. I learned that no matter how hard I try, I will always hate the feeling of sand on dry feet. I learned that I have to eat every few hours or I develop an intense uncontrollable rage.

The biggest thing that I learned, is that despite all my complaining, fear and sarcasm, I actually enjoy my children. I love being their Mommy. I do prefer them in smaller less intense doses, but overall, I am enjoying this gig.

I am easing into the Mommy thing. All I need is these kids back in school so I can have some refueling time and all will be well again in the Mommyhood.

Visiting week. Really?

xoxo

20130826-220311.jpg

%d bloggers like this: