Tag Archives: Auntie

The Door Handle From Hell aka Why I Locked The Twins In Their Room

12 Nov

I would guess that from exteriors only I seem like the slightly princess-ey type. I love fashion, all things girly, and I would never say no to a spa day.
I also secretly consider myself pretty handy. I have assembled, disassembled and fixed quite a few things in my time. I don’t read directions, I just fiddle with whatever it is until I figure it out. I’m not talking major things here. I don’t do electrical, I don’t do plumbing and I don’t do anything involving getting on a roof. I have rarely come across something I can’t fix or put together while my husband is at work. All except, this frickin’ door handle.
After consulting the Pediatrician I decided that the only way to keep the twins in their room at night was to lock their door. Dr. C, who I would trust with my life, assured me that it would not permanently damage the kids to lock the door to prevent that from coming into my room at all hours of the night. I had tried everything else for the past month since moving them to toddler beds and nothing was helping. No bribe, no explanation, no amount of imaginary monster spray was going to keep them in those beds. So it was time to lock them in. I know it sounds awful, but like I said, it was my last resort and it had to be done.
I went to the hardware store and told the sales guy with the multiple odd piercings that I needed to bolt my kids into their room from the outside in. He didn’t bat an eyelash. Must be more common than I think. He explained to me that my best bet was to just change the door handle to the kind that locks because of an array of reasons. He assured me that I would be able to do it myself no problem and that I could call him on his cell if I had any questions. Great.
My project started out just fine, I removed the original door handle no problem. Then things started going South, quickly. The screws didn’t seem long enough and the holes weren’t matching up and everything just seem slightly cock-eyed. I managed to get the handle on, but I knew I had done a crappy job. When Auntie Stacey tried it out, she opened the door after I had locked it, with a little push. Just shoot me.
But the real test was when the twins tried the door, they couldn’t get out! I did it, it worked! I was proud. Even took a picture of my job well done.
The next two weeks were beautiful. It only took one night for them to realize that they weren’t getting out and they didn’t even try again. Until last night…..
At 2am I felt something tickling my cheek in the darkness. I jumped up, screamed and there was Jacob. “Hi Mommy, my door no locked, I come sleep with you now?”
The lock is busted, the door handle is a failure. I blew it. The twins are free, I am sleep deprived. Again.
I guess I am not so handy. In search of a handyman or handywoman ASAP.


Are you handy? Do you happen to know how to install a door handle? I want to know :)


Boys, Bras and Panties

31 Aug

Sometimes I forget that my just turned 6 year old is in fact only 6. Today, Auntie S, HB and I ran into one of her school friends at Froyolife. The two little Yentas immediately grabbed hands and started talking about boys. BOYS. Six years on this earth and they have already discovered the fun in eating Frozen Yogurt and gossiping about boys.
Next, the subject matter turned to Auntie and I. The girls were whispering and staring intensely at us and giggling. We could only imagine what those little mouths were saying.

When the three of us got back to the car, HB said, “So do you guys want to know what we were saying about you back there?” Why yes my dear, I sure do. We were talking about what kind of bra’s and underwear you both wear.

Auntie and I stared at each other blankly. “Ok, so what kind do we wear?” I braced myself for her response.

“Auntie wears tiny half underwear, it’s not whole underwear. Mommy your underwear is kinda half and your bra’s are really big and Auntie’s are flat.” I can just picture her walking into Victoria’s Secret and giving these descriptions to the saleslady. I guess in theory, she’s not really that far off. Considering her Auntie, my sister is a former swimsuit model, her underwear is pretty frickin’ half if you ask me.

Remember this all stemmed from a discussion little HB had with a girlfriend in the yogurt shop. Boys, bras and panties. Next thing you know she will want a Justin Bieber poster above her bed.  As soon as she turns 12 I’m leaving town.


Do you get the whole Justin Bieber thing? I like the song Boyfriend, as long as I picture an actual adult Male singing it. But that’s as far as my Bieber fever goes. As always, comments warmly welcomed :)

Somewhere between Cover Girl and Maybeline my heart broke

4 Apr

Today, as HB and I stood in the makeup aisle at Target, she said something to me that made me want to tuck her back inside my belly where I could protect her, forever. As I contemplated between Falsies mascara and the one that Gwen Stefani wears in all those commercials, my little girl was asking herself the question I hoped she never would. She looked up at me with her pigtails and big green eyes and said, “Mommy, will boys only like me if I’m straight?” Now, she didn’t mean straight like the opposite of Ellen Degeneres, she meant thin. HB had asked me before if when she grew up if she would be straight like her Auntie and the girls in the magazines or would her tummy stay round. I had explained a million times before that people come in all shapes and sizes. We had read the book, It’s Ok To Be Different, 500 times. I kept Barbie dolls out of the house for as long as I could and I even banned Princess Paraphernalia for the past two years. Where had I gone wrong and how could this be happening to my strong fierce 5 year old? I gained my composure and looked her right in the eyes and said, “Boys like all different types of girls. You are perfect. Just be yourself.” She shrugged her shoulders and said, “Ok.”

You are perfect, just be yourself. I’m sure somebody told me that when I was her age, but I don’t think I actually believed it until quite recently.

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