Tag Archives: children

Fight Club – Youth Division

19 May

I QUIT. I am aware that I have said this before. I am also totally aware that this is totally un-PC and inappropriate and probably will cause mucho hate emails. Guess what? I don’t give a damn. Because after today I am convinced that I have three beautiful healthy children that quite possibly have driven me to the edge.
The screaming amongst them has reached a fever pitch. The number of blows exchanged could qualify them for Fight Club youth edition. Not to mention that I seem to have spawned a little vampire in my crew. Instead of saying, “I don’t like that!” He just takes a chunk of flesh from the other kids on the playground.
My oldest (6) told me today that I was the worst Mom ever and that I should lose my job. It’s funny she should say that. They can’t fire me, I am so outta here. I really can’t imagine anything that would make me reconsider my resignation at this point. No salary increase, no senior position, not even an all inclusive paid vacation to Anguilla would work.
Today, at this moment, I have reached my Mommy limit. Chances are I will still be here in the morning. Even after a day from hell, I somehow always manage to stick around.
I’m assuming that’s what love makes you do. Even when you are exhausted, hurt, drained and barely sane, you find a way to stay and love just a little bit more. I had no idea what I was getting into when I became a mother. I definitely had no idea what life would be like with twins plus a 3 year old.
I often repeat this quote in my head-

“Nobody said it would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.”

I still quit. Just maybe for a couple of hours or so.



Sushi, Sake and Storks

9 Dec

On Friday night I went out to dinner to celebrate my sister’s birthday. My husband and I sat across the table from one of my sister’s good friends B.K. and her long term boyfriend. The topic somehow turned to having children and whether they should or should not have kids.
Before I could even censor it, which should not be shocking to those close to me, I blurted out, “Don’t do it!”
Everybody at the table was silent for a second and then slowly one by one started to laugh. It took them that second to figure that a Stay at home Mother of Three would never tell another woman to not have children and be serious about it. Oh, you see, but the thing is, I was dead serious.
Here’s where my mind went: If your out on a Saturday night with your boyfriend and you are under the age of thirty five wondering if you really want kids or not, then you are not ready. When I got pregnant with my first daughter I was 28 and my only goal in life was to be a Mother. Let me tell you looking back now it probably would have been a good idea to wait a little longer.
I told the girl across the table all the things I would have told myself if I could go back in time. Arriving home from my honeymoon and immediately trying to conceive and successfully almost right away.

Here’s what I said: Travel. Go everywhere you’ve ever wanted to go before you have a baby. Work. Earn your own money and have some of your own money put away. Enjoy each other. Have fun as a couple with other couples before you become a family. Finally, if you feel content and complete with the way your life is now then don’t go and have a baby. You will know when you want one.

Even if I had been able to advise my younger self I probably wouldn’t have listened anyways. I like to find things out the hard way, I always have. I do believe that everything, absolutely everything happens for a reason. If I wouldn’t have started my family so quickly then I wouldn’t have had the three perfectly amazing children I had before my 33rd birthday.

There never is a perfect time to have a child. No matter what, it will be different and much harder than what you expected it to be like. But if you are traveling, partying, and having a great time with your boyfriend…..wait a few years to have your own. You can always come and babysit mine.




The House Where Fish Come To Die

15 Jul

Our Betta fish just keep dying. No matter how hard I try to keep them alive, I cannot seem to spare each and every one from the same fate. I am the black widow of household Betta fish. Today my 5 year old asked me why our beloved pets keep dying and going to GOD in heaven. Of course I just stood and blankly stared at her for 30 seconds and then I said, “Maybe, it’s just not meant to be,” I waited for her response hoping this would kill the topic (pun intended) But nope, she says to me, “What the heck does that mean? WHO says we aren’t meant to have a fish?!?!”

Fate. I’m not really sure where I stand on the idea of a predetermined future. the concept that my ending is already written just doesn’t make sense to me. I have made way too many wrong and a few right choices to believe that I had nothing to do with where I am today.

I do know in my heart of hearts that there are some things that are just meant to be.

I have faith that we end up with the children we are meant to raise. Whether we actually grow those babies in our own womb or end up with them another rout. One way or another, parents end up with the child the universe wants them to love.

My friends. Each friend I have made has taught me a lesson or shown me something I wouldn’t have seen otherwise, good and bad. My friends have all crossed my path for a reason. With the crazy world of Facebook, people that had meaning in my life when I was 12 or 22 are back, and it’s been wonderful.

As for everything else in life, well, I’m just not sure. I definitely get gut feelings, like when my get tells me not to get in the elevator with someone…I never get in. Or, if I meet someone and I just know something is “off” about them, I am almost always right. But as far as a master plan that I am merely a player in, I don’t think so. I like to know that even though I am pretty locked in with a husband and three kids, the day to day choices are still entirely mine to make.

Am I Leslie P, destined to kill all fish who swim through our front door? Possibly.
Is it going to stop me from taking all the kids on an outing to PetSmart in the morning to buy another fish? Not a chance.


Do you believe in destiny? Click on the comments section and share away.


Denial and Avoidance, Works For Me!

23 May

I think surviving Motherhood takes a certain amount of denial and avoidance. Last night was a prime example of how I deny and avoid when it comes to my children. My friend M.O. was over visiting the kids and I when she looked at TR’s foot and said, “What is up with the bottom T’s foot?” I looked at her foot and lo and behold she had what appeared to be multiple thorns and or splinters of some kind in her tiny little mini foot. What was my reaction? Did I say let’s get her to a Doctor immediately, let’s call my husband for back-up, let’s help this poor child?! My first reaction was, “She’ll be fine I’m sure it’s just another ouchie, ok, bath time!” My friend M.O. who doesn’t have any children of her own yet had to look me in the eyes and give me a What The F—  look and straight up said to me, “Your two year old has a foreign object in her skin it’s going to get infected if you don’t do something right now.” Yup, another mother of the year moment for Leslie. All I was thinking was these kids need to finish dinner, get a bath, get in their pajamas, drink their milk, brush their teeth, read stories, and be put down. I didn’t have time tonight for a strange object lodged in my baby’s foot that could become a festering wound.

Within 20 minutes M.O.’s Dad, the Mitzvah Man himself, Dr. Orwasher, a well known Beverly Hills Podiatrist, was knocking at my front door to inspect TR’s foot. My girl promptly sat down right in front of Dr. Orwasher before he could even make it all the way in the front door, ripped off her socks and said to him, OUCHIE. After a quick exam in my playroom it was confirmed that we had to head into the office so Dr. O could remove whatever was in T.R’s foot. At this point I had a flashback of  the day before- I saw her coming from the backyard barefoot, where we have thorns, wood chips and other dreadful things which coincidentally is all being removed this week. I immediately put her shoes back on when I saw her bare feet, but I didn’t check to see if her feet were okay. So here we were at 7pm sitting in Dr.O’s office distracting TR with my IPhone while the Doc worked his magic with a smile on his face and the patience of a Saint. She didn’t cry, not even a peep, all she said after 20 minutes of sitting nicely while having needles poked into her foot was, “All done Missa’s Daddy?”

If left up to me, she would have been sleeping in her crib with thorns in her feet and probably limping before I noticed anything was remotely wrong. Denial and avoidance, it gets me through because some of this parenting stuff is just way too scary to face head on.


Should my Mother of The Year Award be revoked? I dare you to comment and say yes…


Excuse me, is my baby supposed to be blue?

10 May

I was the poster child for Attachment Parenting before I had my children. When I was pregnant with my oldest daughter I read the famous book The Breastfeeding Book by Dr. William Sears from cover to cover, over and over. Everything he said made perfect sense to me. His theories felt like home and I was going to do exactly what the book told me to do with my sparkly pink baby girl when she popped out. What I didn’t anticipate was that, as I sat alone to nurse my angel for the very first time, she would stop breathing and turn the color of a freezer pack. This was supposed to be my big entrance into the land of warm breast milk and love. How could this be happening?! I looked up at the nurse that had walked into the room and casually said, “I think my baby is blue.”

The next day was a blur of the NICU at Cedars Sinai and nurses coming into my room asking where the baby was, and me bursting into tears. She was poked and prodded and I stayed up all night calling the nurses every hour asking if she was still alive. It turned out that HB had a common issue that newborns sometimes experience where it takes a little while for them to get the hang of eating and breathing simultaneously. Soon after, she figured it out and was returned to me. Unfortunately, the damage had been done. She was healthy and ready to breastfeed, I however was not. All I knew was that the last time I tried to take things into my own hands, she stopped breathing and I was left alone in a room while my baby got rushed away with my husband in tow. I took her home and tried to continue with my perfect plan. I wrapped her up in my Maya, Moby and New Native slings even though she wailed endlessly. I nursed her for hours on end even though she was not gaining weight and I was slipping deeper into the hands of sleep deprivation. I did not want to let go of my dream of being the mother that Dr. Sears and La Leche League wanted me to be.

It wasn’t until HB’s 6 month check-up, when her Pediatrician finally had the balls to say to me “Leslie, you’re a mess. I think you have Postpartum depression and HB is not getting enough food. It’s time to stop breast feeding,” that I realized what was happening. HB and I were both beyond miserable with the way things were going. She had acid reflux and my elimination diet wasn’t working and she spent most days vomiting up my breast milk. I had PPD and was hating almost every single second of motherhood. I needed to hear it from my Pediatrician that it was okay to let go of the Mother I thought I would be and become the Mother that I am.

It took time for me to fully realize and recover from what had happened and to have the guts to have more children. One thing I was sure of was that this time I was going to do what felt right to me. Even though something makes perfect sense in a book, it may not be right for us if my children and I are not happy. Did I end up breastfeeding the twins? That’s another blog post entirely…

Every Mother has to find what is right for her and her children. When I see a Mother breastfeeding her child while wearing the baby in a sling, I always smile because I get it and I believe in it, it just didn’t work for me. If that Mom wanted to breastfeed her 4 year old while standing on her head and wearing high heels, that works for me too, as long as they are healthy and happy.

Today’s post is inspired by my friend and fellow blogger Jamie Lynne who is featured on the cover of this week’s TIME magazine!

Go Jamie!


Did you breastfeed your kids? Do you judge me for quitting after 6 months? Comment and let me know!

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