Tag Archives: college

What’s Your Super Power?

12 Apr

Today is my birthday.

It’s interesting, I don’t feel like celebrating at all. I’m not upset or depressed. I couldn’t care less about getting older or any of that nonsense. I’m Just indifferent. Today feels like any other normal Saturday morning starting out.

A few days ago, when my twins turned 4 years old, that was a whole different ball game. I felt like dancing and singing in the streets. I was bursting at the seams with electric emotions. I really wasn’t expecting to feel so full of pride and love.

What gives?

For the first time since becoming a Mother almost 8 years ago, I feel the enormity of what I have done by bringing these children into this world.
On my birthday, April 12 1977, I didn’t do anything that impressive. All I did was survive the journey down the birth canal. My Mom did all the work. She’s the one that should get Champagne and flowers on MY birthday, not me!

The days that I gave birth to my children, those are the dates that I feel like remembering.

In my very own body, I grew complete tiny human beings for nine months and then brought them into the universe with my own strength. I even grew two little humans at the same time, to full term and delivered the old fashioned way. (With an epidural, I’m not a martyr.)

Holy shit!

37 years old. It took me this long to realize that I want to celebrate my accomplishments not just the givens or the accidentals.

I want to celebrate my children’s birthdays.
I want to mark the days that I graduated from High School, College, and maybe one day, my Master’s Degree.
I want to remember the days that I did something that scared me to death and I did it anyways.
I want to drink and dance and sing on the days that I did something that makes me want to from the inside out. Not just because Hallmark tells me to.

Happy Giving Birth Day to my Mom. Nice work. 37 years ago you become a Mother for the first of five times. I am honored that I got to pave the way for the others. ;)



No, You Can’t Convert Just To Skip Work Today.

5 Sep

Today is the Jewish holiday Rosh Hashanah. It’s the start of the new year according to the Jewish calendar. In honor of the new year, I came up with some things I want to accomplish.
In no particular order:

1. Read War and Peace – I must have been absent that semester in high school. Chances are I was absent that semester in College as well. My school attendance record isn’t exactly something to brag about. I feel like a cheap imitation of a real writer having never read that book. I will start from there, then read all the other classics that I skipped while I was doing much more important things in High School and College. Such as, sleeping and going to the beach.

2. Finally, finally, finally get my body into the shape that I want it to be in – I don’t need an insane emaciated 20 year old’s figure. I do want a toned, healthy and 10 pounds down hot Mommy body. I’ve come this far, it would be silly to quit now. All I have to remember is that there is a skin tight Herve Leger dress out there with my name on it.

3. Slow down when I read to my children – when book time comes around, during our bedtime routine, I am so wiped out and fried that I rush through the process. I just want the book done and the kids in bed. I’m missing it. I love children’s books, I remember being a child and thinking that I cannot wait to read these books to my children. Well, here I am, doing it and missing it.

4. Volunteer – I want to be involved again. I don’t volunteer anymore. It’s actually for a selfish reason that I want to volunteer. When I help others without being paid or asked to, I feel better about myself. I volunteered at the Museum of Tolerance for years before I had children. No matter what I did in a day, even if I accomplished nothing else, I knew I had done a little of something worthwhile.
Especially working at a Holocaust Museum, it helped to put things in perspective. I couldn’t wallow in self pity about a break up, when I had just spent the day teaching about the atrocities of The Holocaust.

5. Trust my gut – I know, I know, people say that all the time, trust your gut. I really and truly want to get on this gut bandwagon. I believe in it, it makes sense to me. Somewhere deep inside me I already know what I want and need. I would say I only trust that part of me about fifty percent of the time. I need to listen and trust myself ALL the time. I like to think that I have done a pretty good job thus far, there is no reason for me to give up on my instincts now.

Let’s start with these 5. I actually have a list of about 100 things I want to do this year, but nobody has time or the interest to read that list, not even my biggest fan (Dad).

So, if you see me eating Froyo, while reading an Instyle magazine, feel free to tap me on the shoulder and remind me that I’m supposed to be reading Tolstoy while running on a treadmill somewhere.

Happy New Year! L’Shana Tova!



Using A Taser Gun On A Child Is Never The Answer – Right?

19 Aug

My friend JLO (not that JLO) and I have decided that it’s time to gain control of our children. My kids aren’t exactly starting fires and torturing neighborhood pets. In fact, my kids all got rave reviews from their teachers at the last parent/teacher conferences. The behavior that is problematic and unacceptable happens outside of school, almost exclusively with me. They are maniacs, yet only when they choose to be.

What does that tell me?

1. It tells me that there isn’t anything majorly wrong with my kids. If they can hold their insane behavior inside them the entire time they are in school, then they are not totally insane.

2. It tells me that I am doing something wrong.

3. It tells me that my kids know that I love them unconditionally. Why else would they think they can act like agitated drunk monkeys, and still ask for me to sing and rock them to sleep?

4. It tells me that if I want their behavior to change, I am going to have to change.

Awesome. Now that we’ve established that I am a loving Mom and a crappy disciplinarian, what to do about it?

I started where every Mother would think to start, Supernanny. If Jo Frost can’t come to me, then I am going to channel that British miracle worker through my finger tips. I memorized every article on that website and watched every clip available.

Then, I armed myself with literature. If a book on parenting a 3-7 year old exists, I’ve read it. I Googled every article about non-sleeping, hitting, tantrum throwing three year old’s ever written.
Turns out, I was going to need charts, stickers, a reward box and possibly a naughty step.

JLO and I then had a meeting at my house to go over all the information we had gathered between the two of us. Two grown women both with college degrees and here we were fiercely debating: should five random stars equal a reward or does it have to be five consistent stars or should it be a star for each task five days in a row?

Two glasses of wine and many grapes later, we had not made much progress. We had established that we do not ever want to spank our kids. We figured out that we are not consistent enough with our rules and consequences. We promised each other that we will have another meeting and figure out how the hell to tame these kids. In the end, we never really did establish how to work the star chart.

I love these kids. I take my job as their Mother seriously.

Even if it kills me, I am not going to let the loonies run this asylum. It might seem easier at the moment, but all I have to do is ask myself, “Is it easier to fix the path of a three year old or a thirteen year old?”




She’s going to end up in therapy anyways…

15 May

I know that labeling and comparing children is wrong. I went to college, I took Psychology classes and I get the basics on how to screw a kid up. I’m going to go ahead and label and compare my twins anyways. TR is totally and completely defiant and mischievous. She goes above and beyond your average two year old limit testing on a regular basis. It’s as if she has this side to her that just has to mess with the adults in her life. She doesn’t just throw her food off her high chair tray to see what happens like her brother does. TR will specifically request oatmeal or bananas and blueberries just so she can smush it all in her hair and then fling it all across the room. As the other two kids get wide eyed and let out big UH-OHS! All you hear from little Miss T are her giggles of self satisfaction.
At the playground we go to every morning there is a large opening with a drop that scares the daylights out of me. I have trained the twins to not go near the opening because it is dangerous. J steers clear of it at all costs, but not my 21 pound angel. Every chance she gets she will grab my attention as she dangles her body over the edge while hysterically laughing. She will even yell out to me, “Other way?” Yes, other way, you damn well know your supposed to go the other way because this way freaks Mommy out. But you know that don’t you little girl. I might as well dye her hair purple and pierce her nose now.
TR also has a special capacity for intense volume. By that I mean she can scream louder than any human child on the planet. If you don’t believe me then I dare you to take her to the Coffee Bean and refuse to buy her a chocolate milk. My oldest daughter was a screamer and a vomiter so I’m no sissy when it comes to evil glares from strangers. But when TR decides to flex her vocal pipes it’s quite a display.
Since I’ve already labeled her and compared her to her twin I’m going to go ahead and predict what she will be when she grows up.

I’m going to go with a) an Opera Singer b) The President of the United States c) My Clone


We’re you labeled as a kid? Did it stick?

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