Tag Archives: ice cream
Aside

Headline: Mom Loses Mind – Then Eats Ice Cream

21 Jun

HOUSTON — A Texas mom faces child endangerment charges after police say she was found naked and eating ice cream inside a drug store after leaving her three children alone in a wrecked car.

According to the report from KPRC-TV in Houston, 34-year-old Stephanie Dillard faces one count of child endangerment after police say her car collided with a Houston bus on Friday afternoon.

I totally understand what must have happened to this Woman. I even want to give her the benefit of the doubt. She was driving in the car with her three children, maybe even twin 2 year olds and a five year old. Everything was going fine until one of the twins dropped their snack trap full of fishy crackers on the floor of the car. The child goes ballistic, “Crackers, crackers, crackers, crackers! I need my crackers! Upset by all this commotion, the second child starts wailing and screaming at the top of their lungs, that they can’t handle all this screaming. Finally, the third child decides to start bawling and throws their entire plastic snack trap at the Mother’s head. Did I mention that she was already late to take the oldest child to school, and they are stuck in traffic? She had been with all three kids since 6am which was three hours prior. She had already been pooped on, puked on, and called a horrible Mother all before they even entered the car that day.

She snapped. She sideswiped the city bus, ripped off her gym clothes and ran butt naked towards the Haagen Dazs around the corner. I relate to Stephanie Dillard way more than anyone needs to know. I might actually feel like doing the same thing at any moment on any given day. Not so much the naked part, because I think I look much better with clothes on. The running from the car screaming and getting ice cream? I totally get it.

xoxo

Beverly Hills BBQ Bees and Blood

29 May

While the rest of the world is rejoicing that it’s a long weekend, I am weeping. I spent this long weekend, which was indeed looooong keeping my children out of burning pits of fire and open bodies of water. Basically barbecues have become my third worst mini-nightmare involving the kids. My first being a long airplane flight and my second, finding out that I’m pregnant with twins again. I am taking all precautions to avoid more babies and airplane rides, but barbecues? How does a family living in Beverly Hills, the land of sprawling backyards and Olympic size swimming pools avoid going to outdoor soirees? How was I to know that T and J were determined to wreak havoc on the mainstay of California Summer life?
We went to two gatherings this weekend. At our second backyard BBQ there were actually bees, blood and vomit involved. Quite frankly I’m still recovering from it, so let’s just discuss BBQ#1.
At the first house we went to I figured we would be fine, there were enough distractions there that the twins wouldn’t even notice the pool. My friend MB never throws a half ass party, her small get togethers always involve bounce houses, photo booths and catering. But of course my two year olds who can’t swim or go in the water because of TR’s newly placed ear tubes were not satisfied with the bouncy or the tree house with slides and swings. they were determined to get in that pool no matter what it took. If you could just take a moment to imagine me standing in front of the pool – knees wide and bent, arms outstretched in full goalie position. This is how I spent most of our time at the party, in this stance saying repeatedly, “No water, no water, no water, no water.” I managed to keep the twins out of the pool. Everyone in attendance may never speak to me again after seeing the true lunatic Mother of 3 that I am. Did I mention that all my kids refused to eat normal food and had ice cream and cake for Lunch and TR may have drank vodka thinking it was water?
If they ever invite us back it will be because my friend has a heart of gold and because we brought fancy French cookies.

Xoxo

Would you be brave enough to invite my crew to a barbecue at our house?  Tell the truth.

Legally blind with a cherry on top

24 Apr

Every night I take out my contact lenses and put on my glasses before bed. No big deal right? Well, for me this is a huge step that has taken years to take. I am legally blind and have been wearing contacts since I was 12 years old. Most people don’t even realize I need glasses because they have never seen me wear a pair. Until recently, my husband had only seen me wear my glasses a handful of times.

Yesterday, as I lay asleep, my sweet, thoughtful, doll of a husband moved my glasses from my bedside table to an undisclosed location. He wanted to make sure one of the kids didn’t destroy them when they came running in to say good morning to me. They tend to mangle any pair of glasses they can get their little hands on. All of a sudden all 3 children were delivered to my room and sweet, sweet, oh-so-sweet husband had to take an urgent phone call. No big deal, all the kids running around like lunatics in my room full of laptops, wires, cups with liquids, open toilet… no big deal. I immediately reach over for my glasses, and nothing! My worst nightmare coming true: alone with all the kids in a non baby-proofed room and I can’t see a thing. Take that back, I could see little blurs racing around the room and heading in all different directions. What happened next I’m only going to tell you because you’re my friends. I called HB over and got nose to nose with her, and said, “This is very important, Mommy is blind, we MUST find my glasses. If you find them I will give you ice cream for breakfast.” Within 3 minutes I had my glasses on my face and HB wondering if she got a topping on her ice cream.

The temporary blindness only lasted about five minutes but it felt like an hour. When Mr. Busy returned from his call, I reminded him that he had moved my glasses and then left me with all the kids in the one room that’s not toddler safe. His response: “Oh, shit. That must have been hilarious!”

Tonight, I am sleeping with my contacts in.

xoxo

Ever bribe your kids in order to survive an emergency?

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