Tag Archives: love

Perfect Is For Pussies

9 Jun

Here’s what I learned today – I am not perfect. 

I know, I know, you are shocked. I am too. I try very hard to get things right. I hate messing up. I hate disappointing people. I beyond despise looking like an idiot.

 I realized today that I am not and never ever will be perfect. I have quirks, bad habits, and annoying tendencies. In fact, there are going to be some people that simply don’t like me because of these things and that’s ok. It took me a long time to really get this concept, but I get it now. I have some amazing qualities about me that people will love and other features that will drive people nuts. It’s not my responsibility to make everyone like or love me. 

There are those who see me as I am, totally imperfectly perfect and embrace me completely. 

So, the next time someone drives you up a wall, remember, you can move along and let them be or accept them as the imperfect human being that they are. 

Because no matter how hard we all try, perfect ain’t happening. 

Unless you are Taylor Swift. She seems like she’s pretty damn perfect. 


What I Really Want to Say to Newlyweds Dying to Have Kids

20 May

1. Don’t have kids.

2. Okay, fine, have kids. But wait until you absolutely have to have them. Like, to the point where either your eggs are so old they are about to rot OR when you start dreaming about kidnapping other women’s babies. Then, do what you have to.

3. When you finally do make the totally irrational decision to have kids, remember, trying to prepare is a complete waste of time. No book, class or YouTube video can prepare you for what you are about to experience. Just go to sleep. Sleep as much as you can. Because you will never sleep again.

4. When you find yourself knocked up: The baby registry. I had a baby registry. When I go back and read it now, it’s the most pathetic thing I’ve ever composed besides my birth plan. How I so carefully chose each onesie, each bottle, and every last item they could market to a first time mom. I spent months gathering the perfect stash. Here’s what you really need: A box of newborn size diapers, cheap onesies, a bassinet, formula or your boobs, and a shit load of cheap burp cloths. Everything else is decorative. 

5. When people ask how many kids you want, you sound stupid when you gaze into each other’s eyes and say, “four or five at least.” I know young new love is intoxicating, but sober up. Start with one baby and go from there. Besides, have you even considered where your four or five kids will go to public school? Or how you you will pay for the house in the good public school district for the kids to attend said school? Or will you be paying the $30,000 yearly tuition per child starting at the age of two? Exactly. 

6. Planning on going back to work and having Mary Poppins care for your angel? Let me save you a tremendous amount of heartache here. The perfect nanny doesn’t exist. A loving educated person to raise your child exactly as you would who also cleans your house and does your laundry all while keeping the bambinos safe and the dog fed…. This woman is a myth. If you go looking for her and on top of it offer to pay her $12 an hour, then everyday will become take your baby to work day for you. Pick your battles. No nanny is going to be you. No nanny is Wonder Woman. Find someone who genuinely enjoys children, believes in honest work and values safety. Everything else is negotiable.

7. If you have a problem with the smell of poop then this kid thing is not going to work out well for you.

8. If you absolutely must have kids, I will admit, but only this once, that in the end, it’s worth it. It’s hard and scary and exhausting and painful. Being a mother is also at the core of my being the most ultimately divine and important thing I have ever done and will ever do in my life.  But let’s just keep that between you and I.


A List For My Daughters – 11 Things About Love (what I know so far)

12 Nov

1. You will fall in love more than once in your life. You will probably fall in love more than twice.

2. You will have your heart broken. Possibly smashed, shredded, torn to pieces and then stomped on.

3. I promise you with every Mommy pinky swear in my body, that you will recover from your broken heart. No matter how badly you were hurt and even if you can’t imagine ever picking yourself up off the floor again, you will.

4. You will break someone’s heart. You may not intend to or even be aware that you did it, but you will.

5. Love shouldn’t hurt. If loving your partner brings you more pain than joy, that ain’t love. Move on, you will love again.

6. Love comes in all shapes, ages, colors and religions. Arguably loving someone with a similar background, belief system and family is much easier than loving someone totally foreign. But, the heart want what it wants and can’t be talked into love.

7. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you have to be with them, marry them, or have children with them. Maybe they are meant to be your best friend, a lesson learned, or a wonderful memory.

8. Slow down and enjoy the beginning of love. There is nothing like those first few weeks and months of falling for someone. It’s delicious bliss. Don’t overthink or wonder where it will end up. Enjoy it, live in the moment. This is what life is all about.

9. Love yourself first. I mean it! Let me save you twenty years of therapy, deep talks, tears, and self-help books. It all comes back to you sweethearts. You have to accept and even more so completely embrace every last imperfect inch of yourself inside and out. If you don’t then nobody else will and that means you will never find your true soulmate and love. If you don’t know who you are, then how the hell do you expect anybody else to?

10. Stay in on Valentines Day. It’s an overpriced, overrated and overhyped pretend holiday.

11. If you forget all of the above and you aren’t sure what to do: call me, come see me, I am not an expert, but I have been through a thing or two. Love is glorious and grand and I cannot wait to see how it all unfolds for the two of you.



Love At First Sight – Spikes and Leopard

27 Jun

I totally and absolutely believe in love at first sight. I found a pair of shoes that encompass everything I ever wanted in a shoe. I originally saw them at Nordstrom at The Grove, my heart actually skipped a beat. I didn’t approach them at first because I feared what hefty number would be on the bottom of the shoe. The price turned out to be, well, pricey. I couldn’t justify spending that amount of money on a shoe that I might only get to wear once or twice. So, I made the mature decision and walked away. I thought about them often. I wondered how it was possible that leopard print pumps with rhinestones and spikes on the heel could be dreamed up by someone other than myself.
I have always loved all things leopard print, I quite possibly was from Jersey in a past life. The spikes, let’s just say High School was an interesting time for me and I developed a love for all things Punk related. I’m pretty sure I momentarily dated a guy who wore a collar with spikes and he called himself Spike.
I let the the shoes go. Just as I no longer wanted leopard wallpaper or a guy named Spike, I moved on past my desire for the shoes.
Yesterday I stopped in to Nordstrom Rack to kill some time before camp pick up. Shoved in a blank box in the corner of the shoe racks in my size, lay MY SHOES! It had been months since I saw them and they were just as heart stopping as the first time I spied them.
I quickly grabbed them and headed for the register. If the fire alarm had gone off at that point I have to be honest, I would not have evacuated without that box. When I got to the counter I told the woman my shoe saga as she rang them up for half the price they were originally. The woman paused, looked me in the eye and said, “These are the very last pair. Sometimes things are just meant to be.”
I agree. Sometimes things are meant to be. Love at first sight is real and shouldn’t be messed with. After all is said and done destiny will guide us to where we belong in the end. I will end up there wearing my new shoes.



Do you believe in destiny?

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