Tag Archives: mom

Psycho Nanny Comes For A Visit

17 Jul

I interviewed a potential nanny yesterday and I almost hired her. She was outgoing, professional, and cheerful. She had a binder that she shared with me, full of written and signed references covering the past twenty years. She was legal to work here in the U.S. And CPR certified. This delightful lady explained to me with tears in her eyes that she was never able to have children of her own and became a nanny to share all the love that she has for children.
This woman was so experienced that I felt that she wasn’t a fit for what I was looking for. She was a REAL PROFESSIONAL NANNY. I really need a housekeeper and an extra set of hands around the house in the afternoons. This woman belonged with a family who had a baby or two and possibly a working Mother with an infant.

Or. So. I. Thought.

I thanked the Woman for coming and I told her honestly that I wasn’t going to hire her. I then told her that I was going to help her find a job because I really liked her. She was very grateful, shook my hand, smiled big, “God Bless You Miss.”

I immediately went upstairs and hit my arsenal of Mommies the best way I know how, Facebook. I know firsthand what it’s like to have three small children, a husband who works all the time and be desperate for some trustworthy help with the kids. I posted about my great interview and said that I would pass along this Woman’s number if anyone wanted to interview her themselves. I immediately received at least twenty responses from interested people. I was such a mensch! I was going to get her a job and an exhausted Mommy some help!

About 8pm last night I get a Facebook message:
“Did the woman you interviewed look like this?” With a picture of the amazing nanny I was spreading the word about.

My stomach dropped. Omg. What have I done?

I immediately responded, “Yes, that’s her. Is she bad? Do you know her?!”

After a bunch of emails and finally a phone call with another Beverly Hills Mom, with proof, it was confirmed. Not only was my great nanny find not a great nanny, but she was a horrible one. She was not only an incompetent employee, but a bad person. I ran to Facebook as fast as I could to retract my recommendation to interview this woman.

How did this happen? How did I almost hire a Woman that has no business being anywhere near children? Why did I send out the name of a Woman that I don’t know personally? Is my gut instinct broken? What can I learn from this?

I’ve been doing this Mom thing for almost 8 years. I obviously still have a lot to learn.



Lunching Lady of Leisure

26 Jun

I’m going to allow the offender in this story to remain nameless. I believe if I did share his name, he might be hunted down and beat by every housewife on the planet.

Last week, I was confronted by this person and asked,
“What exactly do you do all day?”
I could see where this was going from the first three words.
“What do you mean, what do I do all day?” I asked back
Well, he replied, “your kids are now all in camp from 9:30am – 2pm, so you have an entire day to yourself.”

An entire day to myself. HA!

Here’s what I did yesterday:

6am-8:50am – Fed kids, had multiple complaints about the food and service, dressed kids, groomed kids, played with kids, disciplined kids, put my workout clothes on, wiped kids, begged all to put socks and shoes on, watched all 3 take socks and shoes off, put all shoes and socks back on, got everyone out the front door, convinced them to get in their carseats, threatened with calls to police if they didn’t get buckled, took away toys, had a book thrown at me, the neighbor gave me a nasty look, finally loaded everyone in the car, left the extra camp clothes bags in the house, ran back in the house while two of the kids screamed not to leave them alone in the car with the crazy squirrels, finally got to Olympic Blvd. to head to camp to search for a parking spot. Realized that I forgot to eat and never drank my coffee that I had reheated three times.

9:05am – 9:30am – Drop off kids #1, 2, and 3 at 2 different camps.

9:40am – 10:45am – Workout and dry cleaners

11am – 11:30am – Shower and get dressed

11:45am – 1:15 pm – Trader Joe’s and Ralph’s, unload groceries, organize fridge, cleaned up from breakfast.

1:15pm – 1:45pm – returned phone calls, sent emails, made appointments, ate something, finally.

1:45pm – 2pm – drive to camp, park, take a deep breath and pick up the first 2 kids.

*all time gaps allow for LA traffic and parking.

That is a typical day just from 6am to 2pm. Then, we have assorted activities, errands, dinner and baths, and bedtime routines, from 2-8:30pm.
On a day when I have to squeeze in a doctor’s appointment, a meeting or feel like actually writing, it’s busier. Not to mention, I still have a child, sometimes two, who refuse to sleep through the night.

I’m not saying, woe is me, look what a hard working, busy Mom I am. I am well aware that there are women who do twice as much as what I do while schlepping three toddlers along with them. There are women who have to work all day and still figure out how to pay for the groceries. I am grateful that I am not in that situation.

However – I WORK HARD. I am not lunching at the Ivy and having facials all day at The Four Seasons. Quite frankly, even if I was, as long as my kids were covered and taken care of for that day, it’s my prerogative.

I have learned and changed dramatically since becoming a Mother. I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I decided to go off the pill. I have learned that until you have walked a mile in someone else’s shoes, you have no right to judge them.

So, to the unnamed person who asked, “What exactly do you do all day?”

My answer is, “My kids are healthy, loved and safe. Everything else is none of your f*cking business.”



Birth order blues

7 May

I’m afraid of the dark. Alright I am deeply terrified of the dark. My friend JL Says it’s because I’m part Canadian. I can’t really put my finger on the exact origin of the phobia, but its real and doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. I never walk into a pitch black room to find something that I left behind, I always turn the lights on before proceeding into the abyss. I never sleep in complete darkness without a substantial light source within reach. I never dangle my legs over the side of the bed, that’s just asking for trouble.

I can trace some of it back to my Dad who is famous for his “sound effects.” Apparently in Romania they were so deprived that they had nothing better to do other than to scare the shit out of each other. I can remember being about 4 years old and sitting on the toilet and hearing spooky wind noises coming from the doorway. As if a newly potty trained child isn’t jumpy enough, my father thought it would be a good practical joke to play on his youngster. There was also the time he snuck me on Space Mountain at Disneyland when I was about 3 years old and I vomited the rest of the day, as told to me by my Mother. Maybe it all started when he took my sisters and I camping and told us the story about the bear that chased him and my Mom at night into the lake and almost ripped them to shreds.

I called my Dad and asked him if he realized that all these exposures might be the reason I am scared of the dark to this day. I reminded him of these stories and countless other times he scared the daylights out of the 5 of us kids. He was laughing so hard on the other side of the phone he couldn’t even speak. It took a good few minutes for him to get a hold of himself. Finally he spoke: “Leslie, I did the best I could, I was trying to desensitize you so you would be strong. Sorry if I messed you up. You were our first after all.”

There you have it folks. I may have some quirks and fears, but I am the first born after all. When HB calls me in 30 years and asks me why she is the way she is I will tell her the exact same thing. Sorry hun, every parent messes up kid number one.


Where are you in your family’s birth order? Does it make a difference?

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