Tag Archives: Mommy

A List For My Daughters – 11 Things About Love (what I know so far)

12 Nov

1. You will fall in love more than once in your life. You will probably fall in love more than twice.

2. You will have your heart broken. Possibly smashed, shredded, torn to pieces and then stomped on.

3. I promise you with every Mommy pinky swear in my body, that you will recover from your broken heart. No matter how badly you were hurt and even if you can’t imagine ever picking yourself up off the floor again, you will.

4. You will break someone’s heart. You may not intend to or even be aware that you did it, but you will.

5. Love shouldn’t hurt. If loving your partner brings you more pain than joy, that ain’t love. Move on, you will love again.

6. Love comes in all shapes, ages, colors and religions. Arguably loving someone with a similar background, belief system and family is much easier than loving someone totally foreign. But, the heart want what it wants and can’t be talked into love.

7. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you have to be with them, marry them, or have children with them. Maybe they are meant to be your best friend, a lesson learned, or a wonderful memory.

8. Slow down and enjoy the beginning of love. There is nothing like those first few weeks and months of falling for someone. It’s delicious bliss. Don’t overthink or wonder where it will end up. Enjoy it, live in the moment. This is what life is all about.

9. Love yourself first. I mean it! Let me save you twenty years of therapy, deep talks, tears, and self-help books. It all comes back to you sweethearts. You have to accept and even more so completely embrace every last imperfect inch of yourself inside and out. If you don’t then nobody else will and that means you will never find your true soulmate and love. If you don’t know who you are, then how the hell do you expect anybody else to?

10. Stay in on Valentines Day. It’s an overpriced, overrated and overhyped pretend holiday.

11. If you forget all of the above and you aren’t sure what to do: call me, come see me, I am not an expert, but I have been through a thing or two. Love is glorious and grand and I cannot wait to see how it all unfolds for the two of you.



Musical Massacre

1 Jul

I wonder if only my kids can turn the world’s happiest song into the most depressing song ever?

8:45am, all the kids loaded into the back of the car after 2 hours and 45 minutes of me counting down until it was time to take them to camp.

I decide to give the kids a break from the Adult music that I usually make them listen to. I’ve never been one for kiddie tunes. I have found that KROQ and most of my iPod selections are actually pretty harmless. Except for that time the song, Detachable Penis came on KROQ during flashback Lunch, it took me a week to explain that one to them.

I ask if they have any requests. Shockingly, Unanimously, they agree, Mickey!

They are screaming for the customized Mickey CD that says Talia’s name every five seconds.
It’s probably one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard. Mickey Mouse does not quite have the Israeli accent down when pronouncing Talia. He sounds so confident as he says her name incorrectly over and over again. “Hey Tahlyeha, want to sing a song with Mickey today?! That’s great!”

They all start screaming about who wants which song and in what order.

After a five minute debate we all decide on the good old standby, If You’re Happy and You Know It.

Mickey sings, If you’re happy and you know it clap you’re hands…. And all 3 kids clap enthusiastically.

This is where things get ugly…

HB: Its my turn to clap! I’m the oldest!

J: I wanna clap! I’m gonna clap!

T: It’s my song! Mickey sayin’ my name, this is my song!

Me: We can all clap together, we are a family.

HB: You don’t get it Mom, obviously you don’t remember being a kid.

T: My song! My song! My song!!!!

J: You are all poo poo faces! I hate you!

Arguably, one of childhood’s sweetest melodies, butchered by my backseat angels. All they had to do was clap those little hands, stomp those tiny feet, and possibly shout hooray. But, no, not going to happen. G-D forbid they give me one of those perfect Mommy moments where I get to sigh and bask. Glow with pride as their voices join in sweet unison and think, Wow, Leslie, all this hard work really is worth it.

I’ve had those Mommy Moments. Usually, it’s when I watch the kids sleep. I will tell you that I do know that this is all worth it. I may not have proof yet, I just know it. Just like I know that these three kids love each other. They may not be saying it all the time, or clapping their hands or shouting hooray as one unit. I feel it, I see it, I know it.

They aren’t ready to sing together yet, but I know that when the time comes, they will.



Fight Club – Youth Division

19 May

I QUIT. I am aware that I have said this before. I am also totally aware that this is totally un-PC and inappropriate and probably will cause mucho hate emails. Guess what? I don’t give a damn. Because after today I am convinced that I have three beautiful healthy children that quite possibly have driven me to the edge.
The screaming amongst them has reached a fever pitch. The number of blows exchanged could qualify them for Fight Club youth edition. Not to mention that I seem to have spawned a little vampire in my crew. Instead of saying, “I don’t like that!” He just takes a chunk of flesh from the other kids on the playground.
My oldest (6) told me today that I was the worst Mom ever and that I should lose my job. It’s funny she should say that. They can’t fire me, I am so outta here. I really can’t imagine anything that would make me reconsider my resignation at this point. No salary increase, no senior position, not even an all inclusive paid vacation to Anguilla would work.
Today, at this moment, I have reached my Mommy limit. Chances are I will still be here in the morning. Even after a day from hell, I somehow always manage to stick around.
I’m assuming that’s what love makes you do. Even when you are exhausted, hurt, drained and barely sane, you find a way to stay and love just a little bit more. I had no idea what I was getting into when I became a mother. I definitely had no idea what life would be like with twins plus a 3 year old.
I often repeat this quote in my head-

“Nobody said it would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.”

I still quit. Just maybe for a couple of hours or so.



Keep Your Cards, Candy and Roses – Mother’s Day

12 May

Mother’s Day can be such a loaded day. All these flowery fuzzy expectations rolled up in a greeting card and overpriced roses. I am not a fan of pre-conceived, pre-planned holidays. I’m not a Grinch either. I go along with all the festivities and send out the requisite day affirming huggy emails, and I mean it too. When I say, Happy Mother’s Day, Happy Father’s Day, Happy Teacher’s Appreciation Day, Happy Valentine’s Day, I truly do hope that person has a great day.

The thing is, I know that the magic doesn’t lie in the planned days or moments. The hand scribbled crayon cards from Preschool are adorable, don’t get me wrong. I cherish every cement handprint and gooey gift these kids have ever made me.
None of it compares with the tiny random seconds that occur in the middle of an unmarked day. When my three year old daughter whispers in my ear, “Mommy, you are my bestest friend ever ever ever.” The way they look for me when they’ve lost me for a split second at a store and the smile they get when our eyes meet again. When my 6 year old sits next to me while I do my makeup to go to a party and asks if she looks like me in every way besides our green eyes. Knowing that I am the only Mother they will ever have, the exclusivity of that alone is magical. Well, magical and completely terrifying but thats for a different blog post altogether.

I appreciate a scene, a party, an occasion. I get the need to take the day, label it and color it special. I will not become a party pooper and I will never refuse to put my party hat on. But for me, the celebration will always be in my sweet quiet moments that are completely unlabeled and gloriously momentous.



Panties in Public

24 Apr

There are some days when I absolutely love having my blog. It gives me a place to rant and rave, to practice my writing chops and it makes me feel less alone in the Mommyhood.

Today, I hate that I have a publicly read blog. My top search term for people who found my blog online was:

That doesn’t make me happy. I refuse to imagine what those people were looking up when they accidentally found the introspective overwhelmed Mom from Beverly Hills.
I usually think its pretty amazing that I have followers from all over the world. I get to connect with people that I would otherwise never meet.
But, it’s times like these when I’m reminded that not everyone is good. Especially when I am laying it out into cyberspace and just praying my stories end up in the right hands.
I’m not going to ever stop writing publicly because of the few that are not here to read my fantastically informational, not to mention hilarious stories ;)
I will admit, today I was reminded that I made a decision by having this blog for all the world to read, and I hope it was the right one.



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