Tag Archives: toilet

Birth order blues

7 May

I’m afraid of the dark. Alright I am deeply terrified of the dark. My friend JL Says it’s because I’m part Canadian. I can’t really put my finger on the exact origin of the phobia, but its real and doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. I never walk into a pitch black room to find something that I left behind, I always turn the lights on before proceeding into the abyss. I never sleep in complete darkness without a substantial light source within reach. I never dangle my legs over the side of the bed, that’s just asking for trouble.

I can trace some of it back to my Dad who is famous for his “sound effects.” Apparently in Romania they were so deprived that they had nothing better to do other than to scare the shit out of each other. I can remember being about 4 years old and sitting on the toilet and hearing spooky wind noises coming from the doorway. As if a newly potty trained child isn’t jumpy enough, my father thought it would be a good practical joke to play on his youngster. There was also the time he snuck me on Space Mountain at Disneyland when I was about 3 years old and I vomited the rest of the day, as told to me by my Mother. Maybe it all started when he took my sisters and I camping and told us the story about the bear that chased him and my Mom at night into the lake and almost ripped them to shreds.

I called my Dad and asked him if he realized that all these exposures might be the reason I am scared of the dark to this day. I reminded him of these stories and countless other times he scared the daylights out of the 5 of us kids. He was laughing so hard on the other side of the phone he couldn’t even speak. It took a good few minutes for him to get a hold of himself. Finally he spoke: “Leslie, I did the best I could, I was trying to desensitize you so you would be strong. Sorry if I messed you up. You were our first after all.”

There you have it folks. I may have some quirks and fears, but I am the first born after all. When HB calls me in 30 years and asks me why she is the way she is I will tell her the exact same thing. Sorry hun, every parent messes up kid number one.

xoxo

Where are you in your family’s birth order? Does it make a difference?

Legally blind with a cherry on top

24 Apr

Every night I take out my contact lenses and put on my glasses before bed. No big deal right? Well, for me this is a huge step that has taken years to take. I am legally blind and have been wearing contacts since I was 12 years old. Most people don’t even realize I need glasses because they have never seen me wear a pair. Until recently, my husband had only seen me wear my glasses a handful of times.

Yesterday, as I lay asleep, my sweet, thoughtful, doll of a husband moved my glasses from my bedside table to an undisclosed location. He wanted to make sure one of the kids didn’t destroy them when they came running in to say good morning to me. They tend to mangle any pair of glasses they can get their little hands on. All of a sudden all 3 children were delivered to my room and sweet, sweet, oh-so-sweet husband had to take an urgent phone call. No big deal, all the kids running around like lunatics in my room full of laptops, wires, cups with liquids, open toilet… no big deal. I immediately reach over for my glasses, and nothing! My worst nightmare coming true: alone with all the kids in a non baby-proofed room and I can’t see a thing. Take that back, I could see little blurs racing around the room and heading in all different directions. What happened next I’m only going to tell you because you’re my friends. I called HB over and got nose to nose with her, and said, “This is very important, Mommy is blind, we MUST find my glasses. If you find them I will give you ice cream for breakfast.” Within 3 minutes I had my glasses on my face and HB wondering if she got a topping on her ice cream.

The temporary blindness only lasted about five minutes but it felt like an hour. When Mr. Busy returned from his call, I reminded him that he had moved my glasses and then left me with all the kids in the one room that’s not toddler safe. His response: “Oh, shit. That must have been hilarious!”

Tonight, I am sleeping with my contacts in.

xoxo

Ever bribe your kids in order to survive an emergency?

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