Tag Archives: traffic

Blessed as F*ck

30 Mar

There are days when I text friends and say things like,

“If I don’t get a big break from them soon I am going to start drinking.”

What’s interesting about texts like that are that I’m not trying to be funny, I am actually dead serious. There are days that these kids push me to the edge of my sanity. To the point where I wholeheartedly understand the mother on Oprah who was locked in her laundry room with a vodka bottle while her three kids banged on the door.

My kids seem to find a way to locate every last nerve and twist, pinch and flick them until I am a frayed band of sliced strings holding on for dear life. How’s that description of what it’s like with three spirited kids for ya? Pretty different from what you hear all over Facebook about everybody being blessed and grateful and even more blessed.

I suppose I’m just shocked that this gig is still hard, even though I don’t have any babies or toddlers in the house anymore. It’s getting easier is so many ways, I will give you that. I no longer have to worry about one of my kids running into oncoming traffic just because, why the fuck not? That’s what little kids do. The days of even thinking twice about anyone choking on a foreign object that looked “yummy” are long gone. Even my concerns about a stranger randomly picking them up and taking them have waned. I can barely carry any of them from the couch to their bedrooms without killing my back.

The issues are different now. They refuse to do their homework, take showers, stop hitting each other, get dressed for parties, eat dinner, clean up, go poop, stop picking their noses, stay in their own rooms all night, stop hitting each other, sleep in later, stop hitting each other!!!

On good days they won’t do all these thing at once, on bad days they do all of the above and pull out their special tricks, like my son loves to say the word FUCK. The kid adores the word fuck as much as I love frozen yogurt and that’s a lot. It’s funny the first few times, but then it’s not.

Mother’s Log – Yesterday, 7:30pm: I am on the tail end of the stomach flu. My 10-year old is hysterically sobbing and faux convulsing because she cannot believe I am so cruel to want her to take another shower when she just took one the day before, my 6-year old son is in my face yelling F-U-C-K over and over and over, meanwhile, his twin sister has decided she is going to use permanent marker to write all her friends’ names on the living room wall. (plus emojis) 

Would I want to be me, today, 39 and childless? No way. Do I love them so much sometimes that is scares me? Totally. Do I realize how unbelievably lucky I am that my children and I are healthy? I truly do. Is it still really hard at the end of the day to look at the permanent marker on my wall and dark circles underneath my eyes and say I am blessed? Yup.






Headline: Mom Loses Mind – Then Eats Ice Cream

21 Jun

HOUSTON — A Texas mom faces child endangerment charges after police say she was found naked and eating ice cream inside a drug store after leaving her three children alone in a wrecked car.

According to the report from KPRC-TV in Houston, 34-year-old Stephanie Dillard faces one count of child endangerment after police say her car collided with a Houston bus on Friday afternoon.

I totally understand what must have happened to this Woman. I even want to give her the benefit of the doubt. She was driving in the car with her three children, maybe even twin 2 year olds and a five year old. Everything was going fine until one of the twins dropped their snack trap full of fishy crackers on the floor of the car. The child goes ballistic, “Crackers, crackers, crackers, crackers! I need my crackers! Upset by all this commotion, the second child starts wailing and screaming at the top of their lungs, that they can’t handle all this screaming. Finally, the third child decides to start bawling and throws their entire plastic snack trap at the Mother’s head. Did I mention that she was already late to take the oldest child to school, and they are stuck in traffic? She had been with all three kids since 6am which was three hours prior. She had already been pooped on, puked on, and called a horrible Mother all before they even entered the car that day.

She snapped. She sideswiped the city bus, ripped off her gym clothes and ran butt naked towards the Haagen Dazs around the corner. I relate to Stephanie Dillard way more than anyone needs to know. I might actually feel like doing the same thing at any moment on any given day. Not so much the naked part, because I think I look much better with clothes on. The running from the car screaming and getting ice cream? I totally get it.


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